April 15th is … No! Not "Tax Day"!
April 15th has been declared International "Hit Someone With A Newspaper" Day, and I have been asked to help promote it. Considering I still need to START my taxes here in the US, I suspect that's exactly what I'll feel like doing at some point. I expect I'll be celebrating.
IMO, this is a much more worthy iconic April holiday than April Fools. April Fools is hopelessly overdone. People don't spend time setting up elaborate and enjoyable pranks … instead, people walk up to you and say you have something on your face, or newscasters say ridiculous things in lieu of headlines, and follow with "APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHA" less than 30 seconds later. Fucking stupid.
The least the fucking newscasters could do was a full-length Onion-style story, and wait 'till the end of the broadcast to say April Fools.
SO! I call on everyone to spread the word. Turn Hit Someone With A Newspaper Day into the next No Pants Day! Hell, get Hallmark on board, and turn it into the next Secretary's Day or something.
Of all the fucking useless holidays in the US-of-Greeting-Cards-A, Hit Someone With A Newspaper Day has a lot more going for it: You get to release some stress, hopefully make someone laugh (so long as you don't hit 'em too hard … unless they deserve it), your odds of criminal prosecution are fairly low (unless you hit a politician, law enforcement officer, or TSA employee), and be a part of an exciting new grassroots holiday movement! And I'm sure those of you around the world can find your own silly local holidays to supplant with this gem… ;-)
April 15th is International Hit Someone With A Newspaper Day! Help us celebrate!
I am so happy to see IHSWAND catching on! My friend and I have been celebrating this most sacred holiday for over 5 years now and we have always held out hope that it would spread. ENJOY!!
14th April 2009 at 9:02 pm | permalink |Doing my taxes now, and I really feel like smashing somebody in the face. newspaper is a bit passive, but hey at least its something I might be able to afford once I pay the tax bill.
14th April 2009 at 9:11 pm | permalink |My bad … It's supposed to be INTERnational Hit Someone With A Newspaper Day. Revising the post now. :-)
14th April 2009 at 11:13 pm | permalink |I just thwapped a co-worker. My part is done.
15th April 2009 at 1:52 pm | permalink |I know exactly who I'm gonna thwap when I get home. :-)
15th April 2009 at 2:07 pm | permalink |Hmm 'no pants day' just doesn't mean the same in your country!
And as for hitting someone with a newspaper, when was the last time you saw a newspaper in the hands of someone with any more intellctual ability than it takes to turn to page 3 and look at the tits.
20th April 2009 at 3:27 pm | permalink |@Ian: Well, you can promote No Pants Day as "No Trousers Day" in translation, if you like! Wearing a robe once a year would really work for your image, I think. ;-)
As for newspapers … if any of 'em had tits on page 3 over here, I think the US newspaper industry would be in MUCH better financial shape. But y'know. We have to think of the children and all.
20th April 2009 at 3:44 pm | permalink |Hehe – I have enough problems with people calling me Jesus without wearing a robe!..
Newspapers must be having a very hard time in the US if they aren't allowed the girly pics :)
20th April 2009 at 3:56 pm | permalink |They just tell people they have exclusive information on how to avoid being killed/raped/maimed by terrorists/killer bees/democrats.
20th April 2009 at 9:41 pm | permalink |@ian: None of the newspapers I've ever seen had boobs in 'em over here … even National Enquirer lacked boobs, now that I think about it. Maybe some of the companies teetering on the edge of collapse ought to reconsider that policy. :-)
And I really think you ought to reconsider your aversion to the whole "Jesus" thing. No point ignoring your natural gifts!
20th April 2009 at 10:46 pm | permalink |@grimbles: I think the democrats just mug you on Tax Day … the Repubs have a much better record of sexual deviancy. ;-)
21st April 2009 at 5:40 pm | permalink |No, it's the killer bees doing the raping, duh.
21st April 2009 at 5:57 pm | permalink |Well I'm too far North for killer bees, so I wouldn't know. duh.
22nd April 2009 at 1:40 am | permalink |