And now for something COMPLETELY different…

When a woman goes sex toy shopping, she has three basic options: External vibrators, internal vibrators, and non-vibrating dildos. Of course there are probably eleventy billion variations on each theme, but that's all they are: variations on a theme. Then along comes the Sasi… quite possibly the most extravagantly hyped women's sex toy since Sex & The City gushed over the Rabbit Habit. I read reviews saying it was the best oral-sex-simulator EVAR. Some women reported "teeth chattering" orgasms. It has a "sensual intelligence" feature that allows the Sasi to "remember" which patterns you like best (like the 'favorites' playlist on your mp3 player). Holy crap this thing is supposed to be the best toy since the Hitachi Magic Wand … possibly even better!

So, when presented with the opportunity to get my hands on one of these babies for review purposes, I jumped at the chance (even though I had to post the review here instead of on my less-well-trafficked adult site). I was all ready to be blown away by this electronic wonder. I immediately plugged my new Sasi in and read the (rather hefty) instruction book while it charged up for the first time. I re-read the customer reviews over on Babeland's website, looking for tips (you need to take some time to learn how to use it and program the 'favorites' function, use enough lube and it feels like oral, etc.).

I really tried to love the Sasi. I put off writing my review until Babeland emailed me to bug me about it, so I could get more practice time in. I tried different lubes, I tried different 'programs', I tried it with and without using the optional vibration functions. Not only does the Sasi not feel like oral sex, most of the time it doesn't feel like much of anything at all.

I'm sad.

Obviously, it's not that Sasi is a shitty toy … the pages of gushing reviews on Babeland and other places around the web prove otherwise. See, it's not even that Sasi doesn't eventually do the job for me. It does. However sex toys are hardly a one-size fits all affair, and the 1/2 hour or more of work it takes to get off with my Sasi really isn't enjoyable enough to be worth the payoff.

So the question here is this: With the Sasi's hefty price tag (currently on sale for $148) and non-returnability, how do you know if you're going to be one of the women who falls in love? You sure don't want to splash out the cash for one of these puppies if you're going to end up as underwhelmed as I was. Fear not! I've figured that out for you. Take the simple little quiz here, and venture forth to go sex toy shopping with confidence:

1. Have you often found that using a vibrator was too intense to be enjoyable—ie. A pocket rocket is almost too much to bear, and a Hitachi might make you cry?

If you answered yes, the Sasi might just be the dream date you've been waiting for. If, on the other hand, you said "Are you fucking kidding? My Hitachi is the best thing that ever happened to my bedside table," do your bank account a favor and pick up a fancy new attachment for your Wand instead.