Profanity of the Month: Cockwaffle
Man I love the internet … after the March PotM, I clicked on over to TheMadHat's place to check out Friday Tea Time, which led me to discover this month's PotM over on Sparks of Sanity.
Now, the post itself didn't go into detail about the actual definition of the word, so I must simply jump in feet first, and extrapolate one from the contextual clues given in his advice to men who join online dating sites:
An example of a good opening line is not, “Wanna fuck?” Believe it or not, there are words on profiles for a reason. And it’s not just to clutter up the screen in between pictures. Also, if your name is prefaced by the word “The” then you should probably go kill yourself right now. And for the love of Christ, go put on your shirt. You’re only reinforcing the stereotype and you’re going to make me [have] to beat the shit out of you. And by beat the shit out of you I mean, hire someone to beat the shit out of you. Cockwaffle.
While I do not entirely concur with all his advice (I mean really, if you JUST "wanna fuck", why shouldn't you come right out and say it? As a woman, I do respect honesty … although I'd love to know how much success those guys have with their ads. hehe), that is entirely beside the point. So here is my definition of cockwaffle:
cockwaffle n.:
- A schmuck or wanker of the male gender*, who confuses adolescent machismo with charm.
- A particularly inept/amateur variety of macho cunt.
- A man* who stops calling/contacting you with no prior warning or explanation, specifically after:
- you interact repeatedly over the course of multiple days,**
- more than one interaction has been sober and/or non-sexual,
- he said he'd contact you again soon.
*A woman of this sort should be called a "cuntwaffle" or a "twatwaffle" (thanks to Karen and her son for the latter suggestion!).
**If such behavior manifests after less than 24hrs acquaintance, it is more correctly known as "sobering up".
cockwaffling v.: When you're standing at the urinal, your business is out and ready to go … and you can't pee.
Cockwaffle. That is CLEARLY a spark of genius. I'm adding it to my daily lexicon asap.
2nd April 2008 at 6:57 pm | permalink |OMFG, that is the best word I've heard in ages. 'Cuntwaffle' is way up there, too. I nearly laughed out a lung!
2nd April 2008 at 11:22 pm | permalink |*Ponders how he might manage to sneak in a few twatwaffle's and cockwaffle's into his next meeting agenda form*
3rd April 2008 at 12:55 am | permalink |Sounds like a limp dick. My personal term here in Afrikaans would be "pof muis". Which is translated a puffed up mouse…. which means pretty much the same, usually someone with too much ego and nothing to back it up except their irritating attitude.
3rd April 2008 at 1:13 am | permalink |Cockwaffles have often been compared to Douche bags and are believed to be part of the same breed. There really is virtually no difference between the two. Should you encounter a Cockwaffle in his native habitat be wary of what may be in your drink and never leave it unattended.
3rd April 2008 at 2:19 am | permalink |Another brilliant swear word! Excellent, excellent! I am so going to be using both cockwaffle and twatwaffle next week. Also cunt puppy! This is great and I am seeing the ex-hubby so an insult for both him and his newish misses *yay*, I hope she likes it better than my usual "bootface" insult. Twistyd M
(The [piss] artist formally known as Nocturna)
3rd April 2008 at 10:10 am | permalink |Thanks for expanding! I'm pretty sure everyone female I know on twitter is now looking forward to unleashing it on some cockwaffle in the near future.
3rd April 2008 at 11:28 am | permalink |@lance, dame bramaged & raven: If you do use 'em, be sure to come back and report the reaction! ;-)
@fabrulana: Damn, Afrikaans has some good ones. lol!
@jim: Sound advice. Make sure the cockwaffle isn't carrying a pack of AquaDots with him. ;-)
@twistyd: Bootface ain't bad either … but a little variety never hurt. hehe
@themadhat: Excellent. The world needs more creative swearing … thanks for helping spread the word. :-)
3rd April 2008 at 2:29 pm | permalink |rofl. enjoyed as always.
3rd April 2008 at 3:04 pm | permalink |From a friend:
Cockwaffling v. you're standing at the urinal, your business is out and ready to go … and you can't pee.
3rd April 2008 at 3:08 pm | permalink |@swayla: :-) Use it in good cheer! hehe
3rd April 2008 at 3:09 pm | permalink |@themadhat: Duly added. :-)
3rd April 2008 at 3:30 pm | permalink |Now you have gone too far. I mean, "Cockwaffle"??? OK, how about Twaffle? And, CunF, or maybe even SnaggleSnatch!
3rd April 2008 at 4:29 pm | permalink |@pedro: Hey, I didn't make it up … I just defined it. ;-)
3rd April 2008 at 4:52 pm | permalink |After having spent too much time on Second Life being propositioned by random strangers (who clearly only joined SL under the impression that it was for having spontaneous anonymous sex), I have invented my own word: DICKJEANS. A dickjeans is someone who's computer avatar wears an erect penis outside of his clothing, clearly not knowing how to remove it.
3rd April 2008 at 4:54 pm | permalink |@andrea: "… someone who's computer avatar wears an erect penis outside of his clothing …" Oh dear lord. Please tell me people don't actually DO that?! rofl
4th April 2008 at 2:46 pm | permalink |Oh, I've known quite a few cockwaffles. What baffles me is how these guys EVER get laid? Or the macho cunts.
Perfect example (although you may have to chime in on if this guy was a cockwaffle or a macho cunt)… I'm walking at lunch the other day with my pregnant coworker. We go by this two-family house and there are two guys on the upstairs porch (it's the first warm day of spring in Upstate NY, so the cockwaffles are feeling their oats). One guy yells down, "Beautiful day, huh?!" Being the friendly person I am, I say, "Gorgeous!"
Next comes, "Beautiful day for beautiful women. Where you girls been hiding all winter??"
Okay, so I know there is nothing obscene or technically wrong with what he said, it's just… what the hell kind of response does he expect? And while the content of what he said was mostly benign, there was something in the tone that made my skin crawl. Like, if I ran into this guy at a bar and he was drunk, he'd be the one putting his hands all over me.
So…cockwaffle?
4th April 2008 at 5:09 pm | permalink |Addendum to above: I'm referring to the first definition of this beloved word.
4th April 2008 at 5:10 pm | permalink |@smartypants: Yeah, I'd say they definitely fit #1 … poor wanker probably thought he was being charming and clever. ;-)
4th April 2008 at 5:27 pm | permalink |BTW, I just came across this link which offers loads of fodder for a new profanity based on "Racoon Dogs"…
7th April 2008 at 2:22 am | permalink |http://scienceblogs.com/zooillogix/2008/03/raccoon_dogs_and_their_magical.php
@anne: … Wow. I'm not even sure what to say about that. *blink*
LOL
7th April 2008 at 3:16 am | permalink |Love it…makes me wonder tho since someone I know calls me Pamwaffle…
8th April 2008 at 9:30 pm | permalink |Hahahaha! Cockwaffle! That's the best one I've heard since "fuckwagon."
11th April 2008 at 7:07 pm | permalink |