10 Ways to Use the Word Cunt: a lesson for Americans

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Americans (meaning United Statesians … yes, I know "America" consists of two entire continents, fuckoff thank you) are in the unfortunate position of only really knowing two ways to use the word cunt. Both are considered so shockingly offensive, it's basically never used. A shame really. Fuck has become so blasé it's hardly got any impact unless you work for the FCC (or maybe that's just me?). So, for the benefit of my vocabulary-deprived countrymen, I present what probably should have been the first or second entry on this site … 10 Ways to Use the Word Cunt: a lesson for Americans, or: How to use the worst swear word in America, and learn to love it.

1. Traditional usage #1: Offensive slang for a woman's genitalia. This is where it all starts. Not a very auspicious beginning, but hang in there …
   ex. person looking at a porn magazine: "Ooh, how original! A cunt shot in the centerfold."
2. Traditional usage #2: Offensive slang for a woman one dislikes. Often because she won't "put out" or because she's broken up with you. This is the default secondary meaning of any offensive slang term for women's genitalia, no? (Comparatively inoffensive slang like "pussy", on the other hand, is generally reserved for insulting men by implying they're unmanly.)
   ex. Man 1: "And now the bitch won't even return my fucking phone calls!" Man 2: "What a cunt."
3. A particularly grievous goody-two-shoes.
   ex. Coworker 1: "So, did you bring the rotten egg to hide in Miller's office?" Coworker 2: "No point … Thompson warned him. Miller's keeping his office locked now." Coworker 1: "What a little cunt!"
4. Someone who acts insufferably superior, especially for an absurd or contemptible reason.
   ex. Tom Cruise.
5. Something particularly naughty to say if you and your partner enjoy 'dirty talk' in the bedroom.
   ex. "Oh god yes … fuck my cunt harder, HARDER!!!" *tussle* *moan* *thump, thump* *SHRIEK*
6. Someone who casually uses other people for their own advantage.
   ex. woman 1: "So I introduced them, and once she got in his pants, she never spoke to me again!" woman 2: "What a cunt." — Also: politicians.
7. A particularly sore loser.
   ex. Player 1: "I fold." *slaps cards down on table and flounces out of the room* Player 2: "When did Bob turn into such a cunt?"
8. People who believe that by interfering in your private business, they are somehow making the world a better place.
   ex. Law enforcement. Evangelical religious nutters.
9. Anyone who attempts to insult a woman using another stereotypical "anti-female" word. [ironic]
   ex. Drunk at bar: "What, you think you're too good to let me by you a drink? Stuck-up bitch." Woman at bar: "'Stuck-up bitch' … that's the best you can do?! For fuck's sake, don't be such a pathetic cunt."
10. Someone who takes themselves far too seriously, for any reason.
    ex. those who will say this is a horrible list, because encouraging people to use a word that refers to female genitalia as an insult contributes to the patriarchy's oppression of women by reinforcing the misogynist stereotype of female genitalia as bad, evil or dirty … along with all the other people like this

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