President Bush, go play pattycake with a helicopter rotor
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President GW Bush, on the American troops fighting in Afghanistan:
I must say, I’m a little envious. If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed. It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history, and thanks.
ROMANTIC?! Did you just fucking call risking getting your ass blown off on a daily basis romantic Mr. President?! Did you just say you were envious of the soldiers you've sent over there to die on behalf of your misbegotten excuse for a war? Really? Are you?
If you're so fucking envious, what happened back when you were younger, and not employed in the White House? If my memory serves correctly, you got Daddy to find you a spot in the National Guard, rather than jumping at the chance to experience the romance and excitement of Vietnam first hand. And then, rather than even completing your service in the Guard, you disappeared for months at a time. You sir, are a fucking insincere, psychopathic hypocrite.
There are two types of people who think being on the front lines of a war is cool: People who have never fucking been there, and people who have, and are insane enough to get hooked on it. The second group tend to stay in the military until they're physically unable to re-up, which is fine. They may be nuts, but if you want experienced military leaders, you need people who come back for more after they learn the ropes. Bless their crazy hearts, they've found their place in the world.
The second type, like our lovely Mr. President there, have no fucking idea what they're talking about. What kind of presumptuous, insulting bullshit is it to look at someone who's "enjoying" one of this world's closest approximations of hell, and tell them it's "romantic" and you're jealous? Especially when you once did everything in your power to avoid your chance to do the same thing? You, Mr. President, to borrow a phrase from one of my commenters, should shut the fuck up.
I'd planned to make this post longer, but I think that sums it up.
I love you…
Lets get married…
On with it!
First let me commend you on this beautiful monstrosity that is f*cking C*nts; flawlessly executed and straight to the point. The topics are poignant and relevant; may god have mercy on your soul.
As an ex-Marine, I use "ex" intentionally, I'm all to familiar with the romanticized unrealistic view that combat is portrayed in and it breaks my hart. A friend of mine just got back from boot camp yesterday he's 24 years old, so his decision to join was a little shocking to me. Anyway, before he left I offered to give him as much unbiased advice as possible as long as he agreed that after I could shear with him my thought and opinions.
I looked him right in the eye and said "mother fuckers just like you die everyday in Iraq". I know this seems obvious, but it is one of toughs things that doesn't get said enough; just like your "10 things".
I went into quite a rant but I'll save it for another post.
16th March 2008 at 5:36 pm | permalink |Hey! he kept the skies over Texas safe from… uh, mmm… coke? I'm lost and confused.
16th March 2008 at 7:36 pm | permalink |ironically, the helicopter rotors he'd be playing with aren't even made in this country anymore, after they've given the presidential helicopter contract overseas
16th March 2008 at 7:43 pm | permalink |Hey, it's a romantic thing protecting Texas from the Viet Cong, while getting coked off your ass and driving into hedges. This is clearly a case of sweet nostalgia and who can blame him.
16th March 2008 at 8:07 pm | permalink |You madam, are amazing. Marry me?
16th March 2008 at 8:21 pm | permalink |Man, I should write a "how to find a husband" book. I've gotten more proposals in the last few months … lol!
@secularsanta: Would have liked to see your rant … :-) I have an ex-Marine friend, who's comment elsewhere on this Bush quote inspired this post. I just can't imagine what goes through his head before he opens his mouth sometimes!
@deadboy.charles: Good point. He did do his part to keep cocaine off the streets of Texas while he was awol, didn't he? lol
@nate: Oh, I didn't specifically mean the presidential helicopter. I'm sure any running 'copter would work equally well.
@Downfall: It'd be a miracle if he remembered all of it well enough to get nostalgic. hehe
@tony: Well, despite your obvious good taste, I'm going to have to decline. ;-) Been there, done that, got the tshirt (and by "tshirt" I mean "Divorce Certificate").
16th March 2008 at 9:35 pm | permalink |OMFG! You, sir, ROCK!
I love the posts and this just makes me all the more hysterical about your site. I read that very quote the other day and, as an active Marine, it about made me sick. This is the guy that is telling me and my friends what to do? We're fucked!
McDeath is no better. Sure he actually served his bid, but now his bat shit insane and hell bent on a war with Iran.
I have never been more proud of my generation. But this endless fruitless "romantic" war has got to stop.
Veterans for peace…
Sgt. Timothy P (would put last name but some ass hole might report me as stating a "political opinion etc.")
keep up the good work cunt puppy
16th March 2008 at 9:52 pm | permalink |@Sgt. P: Thanks a lot. :-) You've just made the post that much better … I was going to mention that a lot of military men and women agree with me, but I figured one of the "love it or leave it" crowd would go rabid reading that.
Kind of hard for them to argue the point with you though. ;-)
16th March 2008 at 10:47 pm | permalink |I should also say the same to secularsanta, for the same reason: Thanks!
16th March 2008 at 10:50 pm | permalink |"Romantic"? Define "romantic."
"Holy shit is it fucking hot here."
Concussion waves from grenades and IEDs can cause disorientation, cerebral edema, and rupture of internal organs, such as the lungs and heart.
Traumatic amputation (i.e., a "bloody stump") is ugly.
Getting ambushed by snipers sucks ass.
"Holy shit am I fucking thirsty."
Coming to terms with your own mortality can be terrifying.
It is possible to become addicted to adrenaline.
Physical/psychological exhaustion must be ignored.
Just because you're tired doesn't mean the enemy is.
"Tell me why we're doing this again?"
You'd be surprised at just how much blood there really is in the human body.
"Romantic"? Okay, Georgie-boy. Saddle up with a flak jacket, helmet, rifle, fatigues, 25 lb. equipment belt, hydration pack, grenades, etc., leave your family behind for the second or third time, and venture off into Earth's Easy-Bake Oven of the Euphrates River Valley for a year or more.
–Becca (a.k.a. "Former/Ex" Marine, or whatever, and friend of alphabitch).
16th March 2008 at 11:03 pm | permalink |@ druid: "MA'AM" not "sir."
16th March 2008 at 11:03 pm | permalink |@ secularsanta: "mother fuckers just like you die everyday in Iraq"
Abso-fucking-lutely. All the training in the world doesn't mean diddly-squat when bad luck pays a visit.
16th March 2008 at 11:08 pm | permalink |@becca: "Earth's Easy-Bake Oven of the Euphrates River Valley" That is truly priceless. lol
For the record, folks, Becca's first comment is the one that inspired the post.
16th March 2008 at 11:21 pm | permalink |@Alpha,
You've recieved more wedding offers then any other girl I've [not really] known.
16th March 2008 at 11:57 pm | permalink |Why doesn't he go to Afghanistan?
17th March 2008 at 4:20 am | permalink |You should organise a referendum to send him to Afghanistan, since he is so kin on going there! He could do jobs any idiot could do ( including him) like cleaning up WC etc
This makes me lol. It's sad to say this guy is a president. I know 10 year olds who could govern a country better than him. Heh. Oh well though, I don't live in America, so it's not much concern to me. But still, wtf? Romantic? xD
I feel bad for the people who actually believe that though. Peace and love people, peace and love. <3
17th March 2008 at 9:21 am | permalink |@autodidact: Yeah, weird, isn't it? hehe
@baley: I think it'd be just great if he did … I wonder what the odds are that he'd "accidentally" get hit by friendly fire within a week though?
@aimee: The way the US goes around messing with other countries, I'd say the lunatic should be a concern to everyone, everywhere. ;-)
17th March 2008 at 11:09 am | permalink |You are a fucking badass and like always you took the words right out of my mouth. Keep up the awesome shit that you do!!!!
17th March 2008 at 12:55 pm | permalink |I cannot let this comment pass: "People who have never fucking been there, and people who have, and are insane enough to get hooked on it."
Rather than get flamed about my opinion of people who truly believe this, I'm going to describe the third group (which admittedly sometimes operlaps the second group): People who have been there and go back because they believe it to be their duty. Before you jump on me, remember, you didn't specify /which/ war, this part of your comment was quite general, and I'm using that fact.
While there are crazy people who don't have a good grasp of duty (or maybe it is just ethics they lack), there are some folks who will suffer greatly when they feel it is their duty to do so. One example would be George Washington. Given only your two groups, he'd be in the crazy set because he volunteered to raise an army and enter into a possibly hopeless war against the British because /it was the right thing to do/. History has other examples of men who've done the same, some of them ended up in the crazy group after many years in the "dutiful" group, but I've no trouble believing years of war could drive men over the brink.
I don't believe that your comment is fair to all of the people who would better fall in this third group, many of whom gave their lives in the past, at least in part to protect your right to insult their memories.
There is also a fourth group: those that would rather take the risks than spend many years in Leavenworth for desertion or be forced to hide out in another country for the rest of their lives. Not everyone has a choice about going back, after all.
17th March 2008 at 1:00 pm | permalink |I'm starting to wonder about the veracity of the quote. Searching with Google finds only one source (Reuters) and many, many blogs entries about it. But strangely, even directly searching their sites yielded no hits on CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews, BBC News or various newspapers. It is difficult to imagine that a remark like the one quoted, if real, wouldn't be at least /mentioned/ on one or more of the major news sources (beyond Reuters). Can anyone find a second source that confirms the statement and, possibly as important, the context?
17th March 2008 at 1:24 pm | permalink |@nurbles: First off, I wasn't referring to either of the groups you mention … if you re-read more carefully, you'll note that I said, "There are two types of people who think being on the front lines of a war is COOL" (emphasis added) and I don't believe any of the duty-bound people you mention would call front line combat "cool".
Second off, I will look for another citation besides Reuters, however it was said during a teleconference with some troops in Afghanistan, not during a press conference or speech, so spotty coverage isn't so surprising.
17th March 2008 at 1:59 pm | permalink |@ nurbles:
Slate.com (referencing the Reuters article)
MSNBC Video (via YouTube, citing Reuters)
…, etc.
Seems that Reuters is the only one to report it. I haven't seen any other service carrying the story.
However, given the pervasiveness of the story, and the utter lack of denials or clarifications coming from the White House, we can only assume at this point that the Reuters transcript is accurate.
17th March 2008 at 4:00 pm | permalink |Well did expect anything else?
I've stopped listening to him. Now that he's got shit to do but wait until he's replaced he's trying to do some good? Yeah, whatever. Fuck him.
18th March 2008 at 10:21 am | permalink |Yes, I, too, wish that Bush would put himself out on the front lines. He'd probably piss himself within the first few minutes and quit after 10 minutes. I'm sure the media would glorify him for his service, though. I can't stand the bastard. His voice to me is like nails going down the chalkboard. I can't listen to it for more than 5 seconds before telling him to "fuck off" and turning on something with more substance.
18th March 2008 at 11:38 am | permalink |@becca: I've never know Reuters to be anything but a normally reliable news outlet (equally reliable as any other news syndicate … 100% absolute truth? Of course not.)
@hellationships: It's not that I expect him to get better, it just that I never cease to be amazed at exactly how bad he is.
@akshelby: I've started turning the channel and/or radio station every time I hear his voice too. Written transcripts are slightly less painful. heh
18th March 2008 at 12:20 pm | permalink |Yeah and let him take Tony Blair with him please! He may be UK, and he may not be prime minister anymore but he is also another froth blower. "Oh I would do this" yadda, yadda. He would fucking not! Besides he likes Bush, no wait that would be Tony's son, sorry I mean he likes George Bush.
18th March 2008 at 1:29 pm | permalink |@nocturna: I don't recall the name of the UK cartoonist, but the guy who drew Blair looking like Bush's rabid chihuahua lap dog is a freaking genius. Congrats on finally getting rid of him! :-)
18th March 2008 at 2:32 pm | permalink |In the vast galaxy of absurdly dumb things that W has spaketh, that's one of the biggest and brightest dumb things. There's nothing romantic about war. At it's best, it's tedious, and at it's worst, you're maimed or dead (which is worse BTW?).
The best war quote is of course this one, by General William Sherman: "War is hell."
18th March 2008 at 5:48 pm | permalink |I would love to see "Dubya" take his happy ass into the amputee ward at Walter Reed Army Hospital and try to explain how "envious" he is, and how "exciting" and "fantastic" it must have been to get out there and "confront danger," surrender your appendages to IED's and RPG's, and to watch men you love, the best kind of men–the ones who are exactly the kind we want to keep around–die the most frightening unimaginable deaths ever. What joy! What honer! How God bless America patriotic!
Can you not see the romance in their experiences? depression, morphine addiction, daily regiments of anti-psychotics, broken homes, and, we must not leave out, phantom limb syndrome…They must relish their contribution to what is clearly a blossoming "young democracy" in Iraq, and all the good that has come of our, as of today, 5 year long campaign to throw the world into the grasp of terror; so that we may tell everyone how fucked up and wrong they are, as we spin our own rubbish until everyone forgets what shit smells like. Yes Gorge, you don't mind if I call you G-money, do you? You're the one who's perpetuated this 5 year nightmare from which this generation of Americans will never recover, be able to explain, or live down. We need not speculate about the global impact of this war because everyone thought we were complete douche-bags before we made such a colossal fucking mess of things.
Needless to say "you're really making history" G-money, "and thanks".
On a side note, which could be a completely separate rant; however, I'll keep it short for the sake of boredom.
"If I were slightly younger and not employed here." What? Prince Harry is second in line for the crown, and the guys been on the front lines for months. I don't even know how deep the set line of succession gos for president but I think we go you covered G-money, so by all means don't let this chance at glory pass you by…no worries, we'll hold down the fort; fuck, I'll even walk that cute little dog of yours….don't hurry back.
19th March 2008 at 1:31 pm | permalink |@nurbles
You're missing the point…
If you like war and the things that come with it, you're crazy. This comes without qualification of being duty bound, ideas and notions of honor, or any attribute associated with being heroic. The men who have gone and come back are ruined; they're crazy, and of course they want to go back to the thing that made them this way. What could ever compare to war after experiencing it? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is real, and all combat veterans experience some facet of it. Nothing that they feed to us about it being our duty to kill or be killed, or that killing the enemy isn't murder, makes the act of taking a life any easier. We, human being, are not meant to be alright with taking life, it violates our intrinsic understanding of human value.
All these concepts: duty, nobility, honor, ect..are all used to facility automatic obedience to orders. We can't have troops who are second guessing orders because they don't want to die. So, we throw words like "duty" at them so they sacrifice themselves willingly and without hesitation. We do it so we can bury their body's with meddles and call them hero's. We do it so other young men (like myself) here these tells of bravery, create or own romantic view of combat, and rush off to do our duty.
It's fucking crazy!
19th March 2008 at 1:59 pm | permalink |@lance & secularsanta: Nothing to add here. :-)
20th March 2008 at 12:31 pm | permalink |oh quite agreed… can't believe he said that. wait.. yes i can.
yes anyone who enjoys war.. is quite insane and otherwise would prolly be a murder or serial killer in my opinion.
27th March 2008 at 10:58 am | permalink |Bush is indeed an idiot. Maybe this is a sign that America is totally off track in that a numbskull like this can stay in office. simply a show off hands would probably vote him out. If he wants the war experience I'll go in on a one way ticket to Iraq.
5th April 2008 at 3:00 pm | permalink |@swayla: I don't know if they'd obviously be murderers or anything … but it'd be hard for them to really find a satisfying job otherwise. heh
@donald ross: We'd probably be able to get enough donations in a week to get him a first class ticket to Iraq. ;-)
5th April 2008 at 9:23 pm | permalink |