Libertarians: sad, psychopathic Pollyannas

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My "Ultimate Civil Libertarian" piece seems to have caused a bit of confusion with some readers, so I thought it might be nice to clarify a few things for folks. I'm not a member of the Libertarian party. Never have been. Never will be. Oh sure, I went through my Ayn Rand worshiping phase in college … had a first edition copy of Atlas Shrugged, read her essays on rational selfishness, but somehow I could never quite finish drinking the Kool-aid.

I completely believe in personal civil liberties. Hence the phrase "civil libertarian". I think the reach of the government should, for the most part, stop at my doorstep. Those control freak fucks in Washington shouldn't have any say whatsoever over what I do with my own body, or what I and other consenting adults do in my home. However, that's where it ends.

I could never support the Libertarian party, because I think corporations are creeping toxic slime mold out to absorb every worthwhile thing in their paths, and should be kept on a shorter leash than fucking rabid attack dogs. Whoever thought up the brilliant idea that a corporation should have "rights" as though it were an individual citizen should have been taken out and shot.

I mean, really. What are you fucking thinking, people?! Sure, yeah, the citizenry is going to be well-informed and vote with their dollars, and keep the big bad corporate wolves under control that way. What a lovely idea. And it might have half a chance in hell of working if those same fucking soulless monsters didn't own the fucking US media in the first place. But that would require something like … oh, I don't know, stronger regulatory barriers to media consolidation?

Oh, and there's the slight issue of the dismal educational standards in this country as well. I'm wondering exactly where this "well informed" public, with the power to rein in these multi-billion-dollar bloodless juggernauts, is going to come from? Do Libertarians support well-funded public education systems, with comprehensive media-analysis programs? Because I'm pretty sure they don't support government regulations against deceptive advertising.

And sure, you can say that it's not YOUR problem if your ignorant neighbor bankrupts themselves by wholeheartedly buying every ridiculous pitch the advertising industry throws their way. It's not YOUR problem if their children get diabetes at the age of 12, because their parents don't have the sense to stop feeding them mountains of fast food and processed junk. You can be as smug, selfish and fucking heartless as you like, I suppose. Except you'd be dead wrong.

See, human society isn't a wonderful wild wilderness, where every man stands alone and fights his own battles, no matter how hard you wish it were. Society is a big, interdependent, complicated web of humanity … and if a large enough chunk of your fellow Americans fall to pieces, whether due to ignorance, poverty, ill health, or a vicious self-perpetuating combination of all three, their dead weight will drag the rest of your blissfully "free" society down with them.

You want to be "rationally selfish," you short-sighted fuckwits? Build a society that actually takes care of its own, rather than leaving the "weak" by the roadside to rot. Look around the world today … look at which countries have the best life expectancies, the lowest infant mortality rates, the highest literacy rates, the best standards of living, the strongest economies. Do you see any of them shortchanging their citizens on social services? Education? Health care? I think not. There's a reason for that.

And then … then there's the environment. That's where "minimal government" policies really fuck everyone. Oh sure, get rid of your social safety network, let the poor go to hell, watch your entire country follow along behind. But fuck the environment? You're fucking the whole world. You think the corporations are going to police themselves? Fuck no, they're not. Ask the folks in Mexico who live near major lead acid battery recycling facilities … whose neighborhoods are covered in a fine lead dust. Ask the folks of Hinkley, California how good a job PG&E did policing their own environmental impact, when high levels of toxic hexavalent chromium were found in the local water supply. I could go on, but I think you get my point. Shall we ask polar bears, whose arctic ocean ice hunting habitat is rapidly disappearing, what they think of letting business regulate its own environmental impact?

It may be just a little bit charming that Libertarians have such a high opinion of humanity they actually think big business doesn't need close looking-after (and by "close looking-after", I mean "so fucking closely looked after, the public can easily find out how often the CEO flushes the toilet), but frankly that is such utter Pollyanna bullshit, I find it hard to believe anyone could actually think that way without having some major psychiatric disorder to blame. Perhaps all Libertarians are psychopaths? Utterly lacking in conscience, much like the corporations they claim don't need policing? I'd like to commission a study …

Rats and roaches live by competition under the laws of supply and demand. It is the privilege of human beings to live under the laws of justice and mercy."
~ Wendell Berry

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