Impeach the Motherfuckers Already!

Feel free to stalk our every post with the f*cking c*nts RSS feed, subscribe to f-ckingc-nts.com by email, follow our new posts and random comments on Twitter, or become a fan on facebook. Go on. You know you want to! All the cool kids are doing it ...

or, why Nancy Pelosi is a fucking cunt

click for script …

US Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, is a fucking cunt.

For one simple reason.

In a time when the executive branch of the US government is overrun with megalomaniacal fuckwits of the highest order, Nancy Pelosi has taken impeachment "off the table" as a means of bringing the murdering bastards in our Executive branch under some measure of legal control.

Impeachment, Speaker Pelosi believes, is a divisive and extreme measure. This is, for those of you unfamiliar with the function of the US government, rather like the criminal justice system deciding that indictment is too divisive and extreme a measure to take in dealing with violent street criminals.

Imagine, if you will for a moment, Speaker Pelosi running for office as the Police Commissioner of Los Angeles. Her campaign platform is all about ridding the streets of crime and ensuring that little old white ladies can walk hand in hand with their homosexual grandsons through the streets of South Central without fear. Little old ladies all over the city vote for her in droves. "Ooh, I've always wanted to take my gay grandson for a walk in South Central in the evening," they think. It's a landslide. Everyone loves Commissioner Pelosi's ideas.

And then she announces how she plans to accomplish these groundbreaking advances in public peace and safety: She's going to take arrest "off the table" as a way of dealing with violent criminals. Instead the police department is going to negotiate with the city's muggers and other violent street criminals. Because surely, once they all understand that the general populace doesn't like their policies, they'll agree to stop, no?

Shortly thereafter, Commissioner Pelosi presents the city's criminal element with the new police department's first anti-crime directive: No more mugging little old ladies and beating their gay grandsons. The muggers respond with a resounding "FUCK OFF" and veto the directive immediately.

Commissioner Pelosi and the police department then develop a new directive to present to the criminals: Muggings must be done politely. No swearing, say please and thank you to your victims, and absolutely no waterboarding of their gay grandsons.

The muggers consider it for a moment, sign the directive, and add a signing statement saying "FUCK OFF, we'll do whatever we like if they don't immediately hand over their handbags when we say please."

Little old white ladies and their gay grandsons are no closer to that longed-for stroll through South Central at sunset, but the police department declares the new directive a great victory for the city.

Impeachment is, incidentally, exactly like indicting a common criminal for a normal crime, except it is used only against "The President, Vice President and all civil officers of the United States," in the event of "treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors." After being impeached, the official in question must be tried and convicted before being removed from office.

The first ever impeachment conviction in the United States was in 1804, when a Federal judge was removed from office for the high crime and misdemeanor of chronic intoxication. Other judges have been removed for tax evasion, conspiracy to solicit a bribe, and making false statements to a grand jury. Richard Nixon was almost impeached for syping on the Democrats, but he resigned before formal impeachement could begin. Bill Clinton was impeached for perjuring himself about receiving a blowjob from an intern.

It seems to me that maybe, juuuust maybe, if all of these things have been considered impeachable offenses, lying to the Congress and the American public in order to justify the invasion and overthrow of a sovereign government might … juuuuust maybe … rank somewhere on the "impeachable offense" scale as well? I mean, there might not be a specific law saying you can't lie for the specific purpose of starting a war, but I think that might be because it's JUST SO FUCKING OBVIOUSLY WRONG there doesn't NEED to be a specific law for it. I mean, I don't think there's a specific law against lying about blowjobs either, but that was enough to get Clinton fucked, wasn't it?

But no. Impeachment is off the table. And has been ever since the Democrats took control of Congress. If ever there was a people's mandate in a recent election, that was it. The American people went out and elected Democrats in large enough numbers and by large enough margins that the republicans couldn't even steal the election! That may suggest … at least it does to me … that the American public was getting a bit sick of business as usual in Washington. But the Democrats are obviously every fucking bit as utterly useless as the Republicans. In cases like this, it is entirely true to say if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. And THAT is why House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is a fucking cunt.

Now, I have a little bit of advice for Speaker Pelosi and any Congressional Democrats, should they somehow find themselves considering the issue of impeachment at some point in the near future: Bush supporters? Not your constituents. The Pro-War voting bloc? Not the people who voted for you. The people who would be shocked and offended if you were to actually impeach one of those fucking war criminals in the executive branch … these are not the people who put you in office. We are. We, the people who are fucking sick of having our civil liberties raped. Who are sick of watching our government bankrupting itself in a bloody geopolitical grab for resource control. WE voted for you. And we want you to stop being such politically cowardly fucking cunts and impeach those motherfuckers already.

Thank you and good night.

Related posts

•  On The Web: You Can't say C-nt in Canada 
•  I have no words … Paris Hilton?! 
•  wtf?! 
•  We're in ur passport, readin' ur data 
•  the worst swear word in the world …