Buy a fucking map & dictionary, people!
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So, for the umpteenth time, I get to checkout at an online store. Their shipping policy says they ship to the "Continental US and Canada," so I figure I'm good to go, considering Alaska is BOTH part of the "Continental US" AND attached to the Western edge of Canada …
… and once again, whether these people are geographically illiterate, linguistically ignorant, or just don't understand how shipping companies work, I discover that they DON'T ship to Alaska.
So, here's a little fucking vocabulary/geography/shipping lesson, should any of these ignoramuses ever stumble across this little site here:
- Continental
- 1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of a continent.
- Contiguous
- 1. Sharing an edge or boundary; touching.
2. Neighboring; adjacent.
3.a. Connecting without a break: the 48 contiguous states.
OK, so "Continental US" refers to the United States that are located on the North American continent. Canada is part of North America, and Alaska is attached to Canada*, THEREFORE Alaska is ALSO part of North America, THEREBY making it part of the Continental US.
"Contiguous US" on the other hand, refers to the 48 United States that share borders with one another. Alaska and Hawaii do NOT share a border with any other US state, therefore they are NOT part of the Contiguous US.
Update your fucking shipping policy page if you don't ship to Alaska, dumbfuck. You do NOT ship to the continental US, you ignorant fucking asshole. I'm amazed you know how to use a computer well enough to operate an online store … even through Yahoo.
NOW, for the shipping lesson. UPS ships to Alaska via Second Day Air (abbreviated 2day), and Next Day Air (1day). USPS ships to Alaska by ALL the same services they offer in the lower 48 (aka: the CONTIGUOUS United States), but it takes 2-3 days longer to deliver. FedEx also ships by ALL the same services as are available in your cozy little haven of ignorance, INCLUDING FedEx Ground. And if you're making your customers pay shipping anyhow, it doesn't cost you any extra to offer shipping to Alaska! Holy crap! It's true! Do the math yourself, and see!
*here's a pretty little map to prove it:
See how Alaska is ATTACHED to Canada/North America?
And how it says (U.S.) underneath "Alaska"?
Alaska… the only US state I've ever wanted to visit. :) ./random
18th August 2008 at 12:59 pm | permalink |@Zef: Totally worth it. :-)
18th August 2008 at 1:02 pm | permalink |You don't seriously expect most Americans to know what "Contiguous" means do you?
Now, the stupidity of refusing to sell something to perfectly good customers for no apparent reason is a different matter. If you are willing to pay the postage, and have a valid credit card, why someone would not sell to you is beyond me.
18th August 2008 at 1:51 pm | permalink |@Kavan Wolfe: Most Americans? Definitely not. Most Americans who set up ecommerce websites? Yes, I do expect THEM to know where/how to ship merchandise.
I also expect my auto mechanic to know the difference between transmission fluid and motor oil … don't think that's too much to ask. ;-)
18th August 2008 at 3:03 pm | permalink |What about the "Lower 48" states? Considering that Hawaii is the southern most state and Maine is the second most northernly, does this mean that Stephen King can't order stuff on the Internet either?
If I were you, any Alaskan, or any Hawaiian I would file a class action lawsuit, not against these companies, but against the Federal Trade Commission, for Equal Protection violations, and here is why:
1) The Internet was developed by the U.S. government, yet you are not able to use it as I, in NY, can.
2) These companies (all of which must answer to the FTC) are actively saying that there are Americans that "THEY REFUSE TO DO BUSINESS WITH" simply because of where in the US you live.
You could always write Congress, who actually controls interstate commerce, or contact the Obama campaign (he spent time in Hawaii).
Good Luck.
18th August 2008 at 3:20 pm | permalink |In all fairness, below is the definition of Continental US which I was taught in school.
Does this make me an "ignoramuses"? An argument could be made that I am, but it would be for reason completely unrelated.
Note the "ambiguity" statement as it refers to Alaska & Hawaii.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Continental_United_States
18th August 2008 at 4:34 pm | permalink |I think my comment was just gobbled up.
18th August 2008 at 4:36 pm | permalink |@alphabitch - The following assumes you found my previous comment (gobbled up).
Yes, I understand the aforementioned definitions of "Continental & Contiguous" and no, I can't explain why this definition is taught in schools.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Continental_United_States
18th August 2008 at 4:57 pm | permalink |Alright, now I'm getting pissed. That's my 2nd comment which has been gobbled up. I bet this useless fucker gets through:)
18th August 2008 at 5:00 pm | permalink |@6r00k14n: Interesting idea … but I prefer to just write nasty emails to them, and take my business elsewhere. Although if you know any attorneys who'd like to do a case like that pro-bono (or on contingency), I'd be happy to work with 'em on it. ;-)
18th August 2008 at 5:04 pm | permalink |@Rick: I'll check Akismet … who knows, it occasionally eats legit comments, and I have to go rescue them. heh
18th August 2008 at 5:06 pm | permalink |I usually agree with you, but I use the continental US to refer to the lower 48, and so do most people and businesses. But, yeah when you break down the words it doesn't make any sense. Then again most things now a days don't.
18th August 2008 at 5:07 pm | permalink |@Rick: Rather telling that the phrase was in usage before Alaska was a state (as indicated by the 1900 Census citation). At that point in time, it was entirely correct … however, human language has a long and illustrious history of updating meaning/usage of words as reality changes over time.
And considering Alaska has been a state since 1949, I think it's about time "Continental US" was used to denote its actual meaning … especially since Contiguous is already a far more accurate term for the "lower 48".
@Bacon_God: Well, "most people say it" is hardly the definition of correct English. ;-)
And also: Bacon, mmmmmmm.
18th August 2008 at 5:26 pm | permalink |"long-time residents may refer to the rest of the country outside of Alaska as the "Outside.""
*chortle*
I know a girl who worked in tourism in Hawaii. Was always being asked if they took 'American money'. And being asked if she'd ever been to America… *facepalm*
18th August 2008 at 8:10 pm | permalink |I disagree. Alaska is an island floating in the Pacific Ocean, west/southwest of California. It's there in all my maps.
Oh yeah, also your version of Alaska is much bigger than it is in real life. Looking at my maps, Alaska is much smaller than Texas. I just think you're exaggerating to make your state appear bigger.
[/sarcasm]
18th August 2008 at 10:37 pm | permalink |@grimbles: WOW!!! WOW!! WOW! Um, nobody I've met has ever mistaken Alaska for NOT US … except for one phone company employee …
@Becca: Why yes, that proves it, you ARE an American! I had my doubts, but that definitely settles the matter. ;-)
18th August 2008 at 11:37 pm | permalink |Acknowledging the sarcasm, but still: In defense of the map - WOO! Equal area projection!
18th August 2008 at 11:55 pm | permalink |I have a question about Alaska and a quick suggestion.
Does everyone who lives in Alaska get paid by the government? I know my friend's parents do. Maybe the money is compensation for giving up things like all 4 seasons and the ability to use mail-order.
And may I suggest, buying your stuff in Canada. I'm sure they would be happy to do business with you, even if you do use American currency. We all know that it isn't worth much, but then that's probably why US companies don't want it.
19th August 2008 at 6:39 am | permalink |I am NOT an American. In fact, last Fri. night, I was in a bar and the band's guitarist asked if there were any Americans, and I didn't raise my hand. They heard me speaking Not-Quite-The-Queen's-English and wanted to know where I came from and I said, "Canada." To which came their reply, "Sophisticated Americans, eh?"
Of course, yelling at my (drunk) colleague in German later on (after a few drinks myself) only served to confuse them more — and they ultimately concluded that I was "South African."
I love fucking with people's perceptions.
19th August 2008 at 8:55 am | permalink |@6r00k14n: Alaska residents get an annual dividend from the State's investment of the Alaska Permanent Fund (the original money is collected from oil companies doing business here, based on a percentage of their profits).
The money is compensation for them owning our politicians, and spilling oil on our tundra, IMO. ;-)
And yeah, I'm always happy to do business with Canadian companies, even though I now lose money on the exchange rate. hehe
@Becca: You can't fool me, I've seen your ID! ;-)
I've had someone ask if I was from Wales, when I was at a biker rally in the UK … lol Generally though, if someone over there guesses where I'm from, they pick Canada. ;-)
19th August 2008 at 2:38 pm | permalink |Your use of "words" and "definitions" only proves your pre-9/11 mindset. Stop hating America and give your maps over to Jesus.
Terror.
22nd August 2008 at 10:27 pm | permalink |@DavidGX: Halleluja! You've saved my soul! Praise Jeebus!
23rd August 2008 at 3:02 pm | permalink |To 6r00k14n:
On what planet is MAINE the second northernmost state? Do you create facts for Wikipedia?
Here on EARTH, Maine is the SEVENTH northernmost state, after Alaska, Minnesota, and then (at the same latitude) Washington, Idaho, Montana and North Dakota.
31st August 2008 at 9:00 am | permalink |Alaska is a shit state anyway, fuck you and Palin!
16th September 2008 at 2:28 pm | permalink |@PATRICK: Ooh, there you go! Stereotype everyone in a given geographic area based on one bad example! Good thinking. :-)
16th September 2008 at 3:12 pm | permalink |Technically he's calling the state shit, not it's people =p
16th September 2008 at 6:47 pm | permalink |They give pills to people like you. You should really look into that. There are children who surf the web and they don't need to read that crap. It is people like you who are going to ruin our freedom of speech rights!!!!!!!!!!!! By the way how old are you? You need to grow up for god's sake…..
10th December 2008 at 6:31 pm | permalink |@Jam: Ah, you're one of those morons who thinks the entire world needs to be made "G" rated, for the sake of the precious children, I take it? And, to protect "our freedom of speech rights," everyone who wants to use adult language or discuss adult topics needs to stop exercising their own right to free speech whenever puritans like you disapprove?
They give pills to people like you too: They're called benzodiazepines (ie. Xanax, Ativan, Valium, etc.). I believe that's the sort of medication people used to be referring to when they said, "Take a chill pill."
Oh, and the fact that there are children surfing the web? Take it up with their parents, who see fit to give them unsupervised access to the internet. That's the parenting equivalent of playing porn movies on your living room television, and expecting your kids to avert their eyes whenever they're in the room. When I was growing up, I didn't have a private television or telephone in my room. My mom always knew who I was on the phone with or what I was watching on the one family TV … and if we'd had internet back then, I wouldn't have been allowed to have unsupervised access to that either.
10th December 2008 at 6:49 pm | permalink |