Top 10 Ways to Recognize a Homosexual (SOTW)
Feel free to stalk our every post with the f*cking c*nts RSS feed, subscribe to f-ckingc-nts.com by email, follow our new posts and random comments on Twitter, or become a fan on facebook. Go on. You know you want to! All the cool kids are doing it ...
And thus we introduce a new feature here at f*cking c*nts: the Search Of The Week (SOTW) … inspiration struck while I was marveling over my nascent collection of referring search phrases*. In amongst perfectly sensible things like "worst swear word in america" and "synonym+cunt" was "top 10 ways to recognize a homosexual" … *blink* … for fuck's sake.
My first impulse was to write an entry entitled something like "fucking ignorant homophobic cunts … piss off", but then I remembered: the customer is always right. So as there seems to be a need for such reference material, I hereby present our first Search Of The Week: Top 10 Ways to Recognize a Homosexual. For the purposes of this list, I am assuming the searcher in question was interested in identifying male homosexuals, as nobody seems terribly worried about identifying and/or avoiding contact with lesbians … so, if it was you who were so terribly concerned with determining which of the men around you may or may not be gay, read on and be enlightened.
(And yes, I know I said I was going to write about dolphin sex, but public duty calls! Dolphin sex will just have to wait.)
- Loiter across the street from the entrance to a known gay bar every night for two consecutive weeks. Men you see entering and leaving the establishment on an almost daily basis are most likely homosexual. (Men who only hang 'round there one or two nights a week might just enjoy dancing to good techno music. Women who frequent the establishment might just enjoy not being picked up on in bars.)
- If you're still not sure, you can follow the gentleman you're curious about into the gay bar, and see if he seems to be picking up on other men, or making out with them in the bathroom. If so, he is quite likely gay.
- Follow your targeted individual home, and try to peer in through his bedroom window. If he gets into bed with another man, or masturbates while looking at nude photos of other men, he is almost certainly a homosexual.
- Wait in a stall in the men's restroom of the Minneapolis airport. If a man sits in the stall next to you, and attempts to fondle your foot with his own, under the stall divider, he is most likely gay.
- If someone is wearing a t-shirt with the word "homosexual" printed in large letters on the front, you may safely assume they are homosexual. Even if they aren't homosexual, they obviously want you to think they are, and that's a bit gay by itself, isn't it?
- If you see this person kissing other men in greeting, he is either gay or French. If you also see him drinking wine with dinner, he is probably French. If you see him drinking fruity cocktails with umbrellas in, he's more likely homosexual. But every good American knows the French are gay, so it doesn't really matter which is actually the case.
- If this person is a US politician or evangelical Christian minister who loudly agitates against homosexuals, he is most likely gay. Especially if he is caught out hiring male prostitutes and/or fondling policemen's feet in Minneapolis airport bathrooms.
- Attend the nearest Gay Pride parade in late June. Any man you see parading wearing leather bondage gear being walked on a leash by another man, extravagantly making out with another man whilst marching, or holding a banner proclaiming something like "OUT, LOUD AND PROUD" is definitely homosexual.
- If the gentleman in question recently left his wife and kids and nice house in the suburbs to move into an apartment in the city with another man, you may safely assume he's a homosexual.
- If the man currently has his cock firmly inserted up your ass, and seems to be enjoying himself, he is almost without a doubt gay … unless you are currently in prison. However, it may be that he's just a good, red-blooded, heterosexual American man who enjoys some cock and/or another man's ass now and then. Not unlike yourself I'd wager, you stupid homophobic cunt.
*"search phrases", for those of you not in the know, are the phrases people type into search engines when looking for something. A "referring search phrase" is a phrase that lead the searcher to click a link to your site in the search results, thereby turning them into one of your cherished visitors. Search Engine Vocabulary 101 is now adjourned for the day.
LMAO!!! Thats all that should be said.
25th December 2008 at 1:58 am | permalink |