10 Ways to Recognize a Macho Cunt (no, you're not "men")
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I could actually do a whole site dedicated to macho "culture" in the US. I could develop an elaborate taxonomy of different sub-species of American macho cunts, the individual plumage and mating rituals of each, and the poor stupid women who continue allowing these jackasstic sub-humans to breed. I could explore the world of mixed-breed macho cunts, who sneakily exhibit enough advanced human traits that a woman may not actually realize they're macho cunts when she first meets them. Oh, the places I could go with this topic! But, the fact is, these fuckwits are not worth that much time. So, all they get is a top 10 list. Here we go:
- They use diminutive or insulting nicknames for women. Southern macho cunts might say "lil' lady" where a respectful man would say "ma'am". A more cultured cunt might simply refer to "girls" instead of women. Really lowbrow macho cunts use words like "bitches" and "ho's," and of course there's Mel Gibson's new classic, "Sugar Tits." This is perhaps a symptom of point 6, below, but I believe it is distinct enough, and easily enough identified via casual social contact to warrant its own point. By looking for this point, you can save yourself the trouble of getting to know one of these useless fucks well enough to positively verify #6.
- They drive ridiculous vehicles, accompanied by the conviction that women find these vehicles irresistible. This is sometimes hard to distinguish from men with honest vehicle fetishes, so it's best used as a secondary trait for purposes of diagnosis. A 700cc snowmachine engine will do 100+mph out of the factory, so a macho cunt with have a 1000cc model. With a nitrous booster and an aftermarket exhaust system. Even though he has never been and will never be a competitive professional rider. If you're evaluating a city boy, does he drive a Porsche, or does he drive a Porsche with custom suspension, bodywork, upholstery and paint?
- They display a limited emotional range, which seems to include happy and angry. They may shed a manly tear when their dog or mother dies, but otherwise, no. Having their feelings hurt makes them angry. Being sad makes them angry. Being confused makes them angry. Sadness, confusion, and other non-happy, non-angry emotions are not manly.
- They are hugely homophobic. Real macho cunts do not make gay jokes with their friends. They make gay jokes when they're trying to pick a fight. Macho cunts are genuinely frightened of homosexual men, as though sexual orientation is contagious. Lord help the poor gay bloke who mistakenly tries to pick up on a macho cunt. He is quite likely to get the ever living shit beaten out of him in many rural parts of the US. In other parts of the US, known as "cities", there are enough gay men around to have their own bars, where macho cunts are not a threat.
- They are usually racist. Muslims (and/or central Asians in general) are "towelheads" or worse, and need to have nuclear bombs dropped on them. Black people are "niggers" and are no good outside music and professional sports (sometimes not even that much). Mexicans are "wetbacks" or "spics" and are lazy and criminal. Japanese, Chinese, and anyone else from the Far East are "chinks" or "gooks" and are trying to buy the US and put us all out of work. Europeans are French, and most likely gay.
- They don't like women, even though they spend vast amounts of time chasing them. They either like Suzy Homemakers who stay home and act like good lil' ladies and don't expect to be allowed to hang out with the boys, or they like barbie doll whores who giggle and hang on their arms, are generous with the blowjobs, and make their other macho cunt friends jealous. Often they'll "like" one or more of each of these types of women at the same time. Women who do not fit one of these roles are either bitches, lesbians or … yes, you knew it was coming, cunts.
- They overdo things, which may sound vague, but stay with me here. Macho cunts most often drink to excess, but not always. Sometimes they will get addicted to something like bodybuilding instead, and brag about their health-consciousness (nevermind the steroids). They may overdo the gambling as well, which is closely related to my next point …
- They love violent and/or simplistic sports, like football, NASCAR racing, boxing, "Ultimate Fighting" and pro wrestling (don't even TRY to tell a macho cunt that pro wrestling is make believe). Baseball is a comparatively highbrow sport for the US. Insulting a macho cunt's favorite sports team is as bad if not worse than insulting his mother. They will often gamble hugely on sporting events, making bets devoid of anything resembling an understanding of the odds at hand. Given that macho cunts are probably the largest unified contingent of sports fans in the United States, it is not hard to understand why we had to invent our own version of football (also know as rugby for pansies who need body armor and frequent breaks).
- Anything they don't understand is stupid and/or gay, a reflection of point 4, above, but a distinct trait by itself. If the macho cunt is a high school dropout, college graduates can't be trusted and/or are gay (this is how George Bush happened). If the macho cunt is a stock broker, physicists might be gay instead. This is basically a strong fear of the unknown, combined with deep-seated (and perfectly justified) doubt about their own self worth, filtered through the limited emotional range of point 3.
- They have small cocks and cannot maintain erections. OK, I actually do not know this for a fact, because I have never touched one of these wastes of oxygen in a sexual manner. However, they are excessively concerned with other people's opinions of their sexual performance. They brag about their conquests, the size of their penises, how many times they can "get off" in one night, and/or how long they can "keep it up," and through all this still manage to convey the distinct impression that they are perhaps at their very most useless when unclothed with a woman. One suspects being pawed by a gorilla might be a more fulfilling sexual experience. This leads one to wonder how they ever end up with women … however, the photos at Hot Chicks with Douchebags are a very enlightening look at the sort of women who they end up with. And the women are a rant for another day …
I dont get this article, so it must be stupid and gay. Im not really macho, but I showed this to my wife (Mamita) and my three girl friends (Chicita, Chicami, and Chicitamia) They all argee I am not a macho cunt, but I do have a very small pinga and I could never maintain an erection. Sigh!
1st March 2008 at 4:33 pm | permalink |Sadly enough I dated someone like this for quite a while. (Thus the name)
fortunately for me, he got offended at me refusing to be passive and broke up with me.
I'll feign ignorance and the fact that I was 18, for it.
18th March 2008 at 10:26 am | permalink |You missed one of the more common traits: Those who regard women as property–not necessarily the chattel kind of property, but the kind of property that is used to justify a manly display of manliness. For example, confronting another man who looks at "his woman" with s claim that "she's mine" or some similar statement of ownership.
18th March 2008 at 11:12 am | permalink |@hellationships: Ye gads. Well, at least you scared him off! Good for you. :-)
@becca: Oooh, good point. Don't know how I missed that one.
18th March 2008 at 2:23 pm | permalink |Well now I'm older and with someone much better. Too bad I can't get those 2 years back though…
9th April 2008 at 8:33 pm | permalink |@hellationships: Yeah, I've got my share of "lost time" too. heh.
Ah well, onwards and upwards! :-)
9th April 2008 at 10:09 pm | permalink |There is a likely connection between #2 and #10. I heard Bill Maher say that Hummer was going to make a cologne, and he wondered if that meant it smelled like a bald middle-aged guy with a little dick?
11th April 2008 at 12:46 pm | permalink |@barrybham: Eeewwwww. heeheh. Have you seen Borat? The scene at the car dealership with the Hummer is fucking great. :-)
11th April 2008 at 4:19 pm | permalink |Yes but I was drunk at the time so I don't really remember it.
14th April 2008 at 1:26 pm | permalink |Do you know that the Alabama etiquette lady actually sued over her inclusion? We don't have a sense of humor about such things down here apparently.
Bitch.
@barrybham: I thought the frat boys from the RV sued too?
14th April 2008 at 3:02 pm | permalink |Well, this here is a list of about 95% of the morons I encounter on a daily basis. I'm in the Army. Enough said.
16th April 2008 at 11:42 pm | permalink |@kev: Yeah, that would probably explain it. ;-) The military or a college fraternity would probably have about the same percentage … heh
17th April 2008 at 3:50 pm | permalink |I've read a couple of your rants? I guess thats what they're called and i've found them entertaining. It's obvious that you're intelligent and also very biased, but i suppose this is to be expected as these are YOUR rants.
i agree that alot of these traits are for stupid, ignorant people, but not every single one. I myself enjoy "simplistic violent sports" hockey, football, boxing, ultimate fighting, lacrosse, rugby… But i'm curios to know what makes the above listed "simplistic". I'm sure to someone who knows little to nothing about these sports would view them as "macho cunts"; running down a field, skating on some ice, or hitting and/or kicking each other, however there is much more to them. (Of course i am assuming that you know nothing about these sports and if i am wrong then i apologize.) There is strategy and years of work that go into these sports. The athletes that compete in these sports dedicate their lives to get where they. They train hours upon hours to reach the elite levels of their sport in both the strategical and physical aspects of it. They then test their skills against the best to determine who is the best. To myself, i would give these individuals great respect, not call them "macho cunts" or insult their sport (simplistic). I'd view a "macho cunt" calling everything "gay" at the same level as some one calling a sport they know nothing about "simplistic"
I don't see how you could "hate" on sports fans. I agree what you've listed are obviously stupid traits, however they are also the extremes. I watch sports because it is a fun distraction. You cheer for your favourite team, you get to see a sport you love being played at it's highest level by the best players. Whats not to enjoy? People read books and/or watch other T.V. shows for the same reasons. They want a distraction from life. In the form of an interesting story, or a funny joke, or whatever other form of entertainment they enjoy for various reasons. I hate with a passion all these dramatic shows and reality shows that are on T.V. , but what reason do i have to put them down? They are entertainment for people, so what do i care? Thats all they're mean't to be.
I'm not quite sure if i've hit what you meant with your comments on sport 100%, but what i got out of them, i addressed.
I myself go to the gym, go jogging , play sports and try to eat healthy. I view this as trying to be healthy, improve my quality of life. I don't brag about how healthy i live or how good my diet is. I try to keep active and eat healthy because it is the healthy and smart thing to do. Just like one reads and studies to improve their mind, one should improve their physical well being and overall health.
The final comment about the size of "macho cunts" cocks was really just stupid. It's apparent that anyone who has a trait similar to any that you've listed above are immediately judged and labeled by you as a "macho cunt". I'm not sure what makes you think you can judge people. What i do know is no one really cares enough to wonder if they're being judged by you and whether it's negatively or positively. yep, hate to break the news to you Ms.betterthenU, you're opinion and views mater as little as anyone else's. You can have a whole website to store em' and you can swear as much as you want, but at the end of the day what you say and think still won't matter.
27th April 2008 at 5:28 pm | permalink |@matty: If I said "all poodles are dogs," would you go ballistic about how you own a beagle, and it's definitely not a poodle? I never said "all sports fans are macho cunts," I just said macho cunts are often fans of violent, simplistic sports.
I also didn't say anything about hockey or lacrosse … and I actually made a pro-rugby comment. So, if you're going to tear me a new one, at least read carefully enough to do it without putting words in my mouth.
And yeah, the final point was stupid. And I'm OK with that.
What's really funny though, is how many people show up here, read my posts, care what I think enough to post great big long comments telling me how wrong I am, THEN tell me nobody cares what I think … 1) You obviously care enough to spend quite a long time writing your rebuttal, and 2) if what I say doesn't matter, why in the hell does YOUR opinion matter enough to bother sharing it with me?
28th April 2008 at 3:13 pm | permalink |Thank you so much for your 2 cents on Macho Cunts- I was begining to feel like I was the only person on the planet that feels that way. It seems so counter productive to be a macho cunt that it's no wonder, why Mexico is still a third world country. When are they going to learn to walk upright, stop trying to dominate American women and get over themselves! Anytime I hear one of those Macho Cunts make some kind of kissing sound at me or try to talk to me in their patronizing way-I wish there was a "He Needed Killing Law" just for them being a stupid Macho Cunt!
18th July 2008 at 3:34 am | permalink |