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21 hours, 49 minutes of daylight … which is not to say it gets dark. It means the sun only spends 2 hours & 11 minutes below the horizon. Not far enough below the horizon to even think about getting dark. Makes for a hell of a non-stop sunset/sunrise.

It is also to say there is a reason I've only been getting five hours of sleep a night for the past few weeks, and yet I am still functioning. (although according to my ability to catch typos and perform basic mathematical calculations, I may not be functioning quite up to par. ;-)

[photo of solstice 2006 on full page...] [continued ...]

This month, we present a collaborative effort between intrepid reader Becca, my baby sister, and yours truly … Yes indeed, f*cking c*nts is please to bring you a second multi-pack of vocabulary-enhancing profane goodness: Meet the [animal]-fucker family!

Not only do these two-part slurs roll off the tongue in a delightfully offensive way, they each have distinctly different connotations. Develop a few [animal]-fucker phrases of your own, and you could spend the rest of your life using nothing but [animal]-fucker insults forevermore! The joy!

• Monkey-fucker: Used to denote someone epically failing at a task. Implies monumental incompetence more than natural stupidity. The sort of person who shouldn't be allowed to carry a loaded firearm, even in a controlled environment [example].
  Thanks goes to Becca for that one. She's such a silver-tongued thing, isn't she?
• Pig-fucker: 1.) An aggressively self-centered, opportunistically backstabbing person. The kind of guy who'd drive drunk with a passenger, careen off a bridge, leave his passenger behind to drown, and then pretend nothing happened when he awoke the next day [example].
  2.) Someone with an inappropriate fondness for the police, given his/her personal circumstances. A 'narc'.
  Thanks to my sister for that one. She still *looks*innocent, I swear.
• Puppy-fucker: A ruthless, rotten human being, who makes decisions solely for their own benefit, usually at the expense of the smaller, weaker or less powerful people in their way. A psychopath [example].
  And that one would be mine … make of it what you will.

There are all sorts of other combinations you could come up with: donkey-fucker, sheep-fucker, rabbit-fucker, goat-fucker … get creative! And again, use them in good health and good cheer. :-)

You can follow Gidget's updates on this new page!

Everybody, I'd like you to meet Gidget.

Freakin' adorable, ain't she?

So … she was being a rambunctious puppy on the front porch the other day. You could say she was bouncing off the walls, except there was no wall there, so she fell off the porch. And somehow, in the 18-20 inches to the ground, she managed to stick her right front leg out in such a way that she broke her elbow.

So, now there's a chunk of her elbow joint kind of 'floating' around in her leg (diagram to come soon), and she needs surgery to pin it back into place. The alternative is to leave it as-is, and let the joint develop such severe arthritis that she'll never be able to use the leg again.

Obviously, I'm opting for surgery. However, as it always seems to go, I'm flat-ass fucking broke this month … and the surgery tomorrow will cost between $900 to $1100. I have $223 and some odd change to my name this week, and the vet clinic likes to get all their money before you take your pet home. I've succeeded in talking them into accepting half up front for a surgery on one of my ferrets years ago, but I'm still pretty far short of the $450-550 that would take. :-(

So, I am uncharacteristically begging for help.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED!! I just picked her up from the vet, and was able to pay the whole bill in full!

[continued ...]

No, "Help" is not the profanity of the month … I'm having a bit of trouble this month thinking of something both sufficiently profane and clever/amusing enough to inspire me. So, I'm asking for your help!

If you have a good two word phrase, a creative compound form or unique grammatical usage of a single swear word, or something along those lines that both a.) uses a word or part of a word commonly considered profane in the English language (ie. something that would get you slapped if you said it as a child), and b.) will make me giggle, snigger, or actually laugh out loud, send it in, 'cause I wanna see it!

And never fear, even if your submission isn't used this month, rest assured I'll be saving my favorite entries for future moments of PotM writer's block. ;-) Let the fun begin!

UPDATE: Although I do believe we have a winner (and it is, after all, up to my capricious whims …), I'm going to leave this open for another day or two, just because reading all the suggestions is really fucking entertaining.

Maybe next month, I'll have people vote for their favorite out of some of the emails … whaddya think?

… if public schools taught anything resembling history—Or, American Exceptionalism is a crock of shit.

American schools are shit at teaching anything resembling an in-depth study of history. Of course, to a certain extent, any nation's schools are going to teach history from their own bias and perspective, but after meeting an talking with people of various education levels, from a bunch of different countries, I've come to the inevitable conclusion that US schools are the absolute bottom of the first-world barrel.

We are the ignoramus history class bottom-feeders of the developed world. Folks I've met in the UK, with the equivalent of a high school diploma, have a better understanding of US history than most US college graduates I've known … while a large portion of US high school graduates couldn't name the Prime Minister of the UK if their ignorant little lives depended on it.

It's one problem that American school children score average or worse in math and science compared to many other countries, which no doubt impacts our competitiveness on an international scale … but the fact that we have, on average, a utterly fucking dismal understanding of our own history, and our role in various important world events, is a huge detriment right here at home.

So, for the elucidation of any American public school survivors who should happen across this page, here is a list of things no sane American would ever believe, if our schools actually taught history, instead of bald-faced propaganda:

1. America is a Christian Nation. More on this in my next entry, but suffice to say for now that any country with ZERO mentions of god, and only two mentions of religion (both of which pointedly exclude religion from the government and legislative process), in its foundational documents is pretty clearly not a religious nation of any stripe. Read the Constitution sometime, mm'kay? I know it's usually not required in school, but it's very enlightening.

   So what difference does this little delusion make in today's society? Well, ask any teen girl who got pregnant, because the only information she got about birth control was from an "abstinence only" sex-ed program … where all you learn is how often birth control fails, never mind how to use it properly, because premarital sex is a sin. Visit a school where science teachers have to include a unit on "Intelligent Design", aka. God Created the World (which is not any kind of scientific theory), right along side the theory of Evolution, or where the library had to remove books which somehow offended the sensibilities of a loud local church. Or how about NGO foreign aid organizations receiving government funding who, thanks to Reagan's biblical policies (enthusiastically upheld by both generations of BushCo presidencies, while suspended during the Clinton administration), cannot educate women in Third World countries about abortion, because that's a sin too? The US does guarantee that you can practice whatever form of holy superstition you like, but the Founders were really quite clear that you have no right to try legally forcing your religious values down other people's throats.

2. The US military is unbeatable. We vanquished the English in the Revolutionary War (who maybe at some point decided continuing the war wasn't worth it, given the distance they had to travel, with no local military stronghold to operate from). We single-handedly saved the world in both World Wars (which might have been a collective effort amongst a great many nations, with us jumping in at the end and giving the effort a well-timed boost). Vietnam and Korea are largely glossed over. Well, really, they're HUGELY glossed over. And why not? Our team didn't win.

   And what's the end result of this one-dimensional, utterly inaccurate macho horseshit? Wherever in the world evil needs to be vanquished, the American public is far too willing to jump on the bandwagon, and then get all confused when we don't walk all over the enemy and come home all bright-n-shiny. Because we are the biggest badasses in the world. Hello Iraq and Afghanistan, boy oh boy are we whompin' everybody into shape over there!

[continued ...]

If you're interested, MoveOn.org has opened up their Obama bumper sticker giveaway to everyone (not just MoveOn members) … You can get your free bumper sticker right here.

There you have it folks, I couldn't care less about marriage on a personal level. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and by "t-shirt" I mean "divorce decree"). I don't plan on ever marrying anyone ever again, male, female or Martian. So, I really don't have any personal investment in the whole same-sex marriage issue, but I do find bigotry, in all its myriad forms, endlessly fascinating … in a very, "for fuck's sake, humans are soooo screwed up," sort of way …

The fundies say they don't want gays to get married, because homosexuality is a sin—among other smokescreen excuses, like protecting "tradition" and preventing the desecration of "the sanctity of marriage", all of which boil down to the same religious foundation, given that church marriage is a religious tradition and "sanctity" is a religious concept. Maybe in a theocracy those would be valid arguments, but the US isn't a theocracy, and basing legislation on religious foundations is antithetical to the first amendment.

And on the other side there are gay couples, and their open-minded supporters, who do want gays to be allowed to get married. Whether or not an individual same-sex marriage supporter is gay, or wants to get married themselves, or even thinks marriage is a good idea in general, we're not out campaigning to force our personal opinions down the entire nation's throats. I see the whole gay marriage issue not so much as a fight for a specific right, but as a fight for the principle of equality of choice and opportunity.

Now I'm sure there are also plenty of HMO directors and corporate HR departments (along with a bunch of poorly economically informed but morally neutral right-wing voters) who don't want to see gay marriage legalized for the simple fact of increased expenses associated with providing health benefits to all those "new" spouses and children. I think these tightwad motherfuckers might actually be the only honest opponents to liberalizing marriage laws, because underneath everyone else's Bible-thumping moralizing crusade, I think the widespread aversion to same sex marriage in the US boils down to a much more fundamental level of bigotry, which has fuck all to do with god, morality or virtue.

This hunch is supported by the fact that I've met a fuckload of small-minded homophobes in my day, who didn't give a flying fuck about the bible, or any preacher's mouth-breathing polemics about sin and the destruction of "Christian America". These are folks who couldn't list the ten commandments if their lives depended on it, but who'd still beat the fuck out of any man who grabbed their ass or, conversely, sourly accuse a confirmed bachelorette, or dedicated career woman, of being a lesbian … (or if the bigoted bimbos were teenage girls, they might beat the fuck out of the "lesbo" and put a video of it on YouTube).

"It's just unnatural and wrong," they'll tell you, with a look of abject disgust on their beady-eyed faces. Never mind the ubiquitous accounts of homosexual and gender-nonconforming individuals in virtually every human society about whom such things have been recorded—if the spontaneous existence of a certain variation throughout the recorded history of a given species isn't what qualifies something as "natural," I don't know what is.

The idea that gender bigotry isn't, at its ugly gut-level prejudiced core, a predominantly religious argument is not to grant the homophobic drooling masses any more credit. Hell no. If anything, I'm giving them less. My idea is that homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and all of those other pathetic [insert maligned group here]-bashing tendencies are nothing more and nothing less than prehistoric tribal-herd instincts. The sort of mindless, atavistic bullshit that modern, civilized humans should have discarded decades ago. [continued ...]

So yeah, my new javascript comment form validator conflicted with my new spambot blocker.

It's been fixed.

Christ computers are a fucking pain in the ass sometimes. heh.

If you're of the mind that Bush winning the 2000 election at the hands of a right-wing dominated Supreme Court was no coincidence, here's a sobering take on the upcoming election:

So yeah, if all you fucking short-sighted bullshit pseudo-feminist Clinton-zombies are totally willing to risk losing Roe v. Wade, see same-sex marriage get constitutionally banned, and all that other morality-turned-law crap the Republicans really want to get taken care of, go right the fuck ahead and vote for McCain. Watch the Supreme Court get strangled in a right-wing death grip for the next 20 years … you fucking selfish, brain-dead, wannabe-martyr assholes.

Y'know, I was going to write another post about Hillary Clinton … but I'm so fucking sick of her, I don't have anything reasonable or intelligent to say on the matter. The only way she could count herself ahead in the Democratic race at the end was to claim votes she "won" in a state where her only remaining rival wasn't on the fucking ballot. Fuck her. Her candidacy has done more to jeopardize the Democrats' chance at the White House than everything and everyone else put together … and anyone who's willing to destroy the entire team's chance at a win in their own fucking megalomaniacal quest for personal glory ought to be kicked off the team and banned from the sport forever.

Send Hillary home, and keep her there. If ever in my lifetime there was a woman who ought to be kept in the kitchen where she can't do any more harm than burning the lasagna, it's Hillary Lost-all-touch-with-fucking-reality Clinton.

If she were a man in the current Presidential race, she'd have been laughed home already (the theoretical "he" would never have recovered from the Bosnia sniper fire bullshit/blunder) … but thanks to her fucking ovaries (and her last name, let's be honest here), while she continually refuses to concede — at the expense of the entire Democratic Party, and women's credibility in politics throughout the nation, even after Obama secured enough delegates to clinch the nomination — her rabid supporters stick by her like glue. She is not a woman who would be where she is today, if she was held to the same standards as an equivalent man.

You can go ahead and call me sexist, or a sell-out, or whatever you want, for being a woman who dares denounce the Great Hillary … but I couldn't care less. That's one of the big problems with modern feminism: It has more to do with adhering to a strict ideological doctrine, than any actual conviction that women can be whoever and whatever they want. And the real mindfuck in the whole deal is that different camps of self-proclaimed feminists have different versions of the doctrine you're supposed to subscribe to before you can get their stamp of approval.

Fuck that.

And with that, we segue ever-so-gracefully into my little gender politics rant on feminism … [continued ...]