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Rah Rah Rah! Go Jeezis! And Exxon!

Sarah Palin is a lunatic. If she ever achieves a measurable level of political power, she'll be a dangerous lunatic. She's closely affiliated with a bat-shit crazy evangelical group plotting to take over the world for Jesus (using brilliant tactics like assigning Prayer Warriors to every street in Newark, NJ, to pray for the city's salvation… no kidding).

And after following this whole charade of a "health care debate", I have come to the point where I really hope Sarah Palin runs for President in 2012. Not so she can guarantee Obama an easy victory, but in the quixotic hope the batshit evangelicals will take over the US government.

What the flying fuck am I talking about, you might ask? Well, in short, at least the New Apostolic Reformation is pretty up front about their intentions. They want to pray for our nation's soul, and they have maps outlining the worst geographic concentrations of demons to lead them where they need to go. They are outright fruitcakes, and they can't hide it if you take even the teeniest peek behind their metaphoric curtains. The Democratic Party, on the other hand, are little more than Satan's handmaidens dressed as saints, slyly easing us down the path to our eventual ruin anyhow.

Why not just hand things over to the folks who have the balls to admit what it is they want to do? At least then, maybe all of us suckers who keep voting for the Democrats (and keep getting kicked in our metaphoric balls by way of thanks) will realize we really need to suck it up and vote third party. Maybe if shit gets bad enough, some politicians on the left might emerge who have the goddamn balls to say, "FUCK BIPARTISANSHIP, these people are DANGEROUS LUNATICS," and we'll actually see some kind of—dare I say it?—regime change.

This line of thought may not have been quite what Glen Greenwald had in mind when he wrote this piece for Salon, but it makes sense to me. Once again, after the Democrats win a convincing majority following 8 years of Republican domination (does anyone remember far enough back to recall Clinton?), we get to sit and watch our "progressive" (my ass) savior, with all his charisma and public speaking prowess, along with his cronies in Congress, suck corporate cock, and get abso-fucking-lutely nothing done on any of his populist campaign promises. Are we really optimistic and charitable stupid enough to keep blaming this on mere "spinelessness", or some misguided leftist virtue of consensus building? I don't know about you, but I can't.
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… [Porn is] a great job for someone who is dumb, unambitious, and devoid of sexuality. In fact, the only way you can do 'sex work' (as naive feminists like to call it) is to have no sex left in you. Some perverted uncle or disgusting friend of the family robs a girl of her most intimate and valuable asset and it's like a light switch goes off. Now they can have sex with anyone because they're numb." (emphasis mine.)

Joanna Angel, punk-porn princess & doomed slut, with some guy.*

Gavin McInnes is a condescending prick. A condescending, ignorant, sexist prick. In his article entitled "The Problem With Hipster Porn", he manages to not only insult every sex worker on the planet, he states openly that my virginity, like the virginity of all women all over the world is my "most intimate and valuable asset", and once its sanctity is violated, I'm fucking doomed and worthless. As he points out…

Lawsuits that include 'violating a woman's chastity' are a very big deal because the courts understand a woman unanimously seen as a slut is in for a lonely life. Now, if someone already took your chastity and threw it in the garbage, selling it isn't such a big deal."

Tragically, the young punk pornstar whose remaining innocence heroic Mr. McInnes tried to save with that little moral tirade didn't believe him. This is terrible, McInnes asserts, because, "In about ten years, when she's a lonely cougar, she'll realize I was right but by then it will be too late." Obviously any woman who's single after her 30th birthday may as well have just shot herself while she was still young. Wise Old McInnes Knows Best, and according to him even rebellious punk girls, deep down inside, just want a husband and babies.

Once your chastity is thrown in the trash, you're fucked. Or you may as well start getting fucked professionally, because THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR YOU LONELY LITTLE SLUT. Your most intimate and valuable asset is gone, so you'll never find a good husband and raise your happy family.

According to McInnes, my life is mostly worthless… the only thing I'm missing from his tale of moral ruin and despair is that I never went so far as to do porn films (although I did some bondage modeling, and was a stripper for a couple years), and I wasn't sexually abused as a child (unless I'm harboring repressed memories of one of those satanic child molestation cults, which would explain how I ended up playing role-playing games and working as a stripper later on, I guess).

Unbeknownst to me, I am miserable. I'm in my mid-thirties, yet I'm not married, I don't have kids, and I live alone with my two pet dogs. The very essence of my womanhood is withering away into nothingness as I write this. My personality, my intellectual life, my travels, hobbies and friends? They are meaningless, for I am a woman, and my value lies between my legs. Listen to my Tale of Woe, ladies: Here but for the grace of God (and Chastity!) go thee.
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So some asshole tries to blow up a plane with his crotch. (Bad jokes about Superman's sperm come to mind… but anyway!)

It's not even likely that the amount of chemically goodness in the Panty Liner of Doom™ was enough to actually bring the plane down, but no mind… everyone else gets to be patted down because of it. I don't know about you, but it seemed kind of stupid to make everyone xray their shoes after the shoe bomber incident. Now what are they going to do? Aggressively grope everyone's nether regions, looking for suspicious underwear bulges? Will they also have to ban maxi-pads, to eliminate potential confusion? (Better stock those airport sanitary pad dispensers with something A LITTLE LESS BULKY, guys!)

Seriously. Reactive policing rarely does any good on the prevention side. Patting people down isn't going to do jack shit to make anyone safer, because the next guy is going to figure out an un-pat-detectable explosive pack. He's not going to wear a PETN jockstrap. He's not going to wear liquid explosive insoles. You think some hardbody lunatic is going to try to sculpt C4 abs to slip under his undershirt? Doubtful.

Nope, we get patted down. They're deploying full body visual scanners. They're snooping in our bags even more aggressively than before. You'll have to get to the damn airport even fucking earlier, if you're departing from a busy terminal. AND DON'T YOU DARE BLOG ABOUT IT, because they're now paying house calls for that shit. (Lucky me, I'm not high profile enough to qualify for anonymous tips.)
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I'm kinda disappointed that the Democrats in this country STILL have not learned that trying to take the "high road" and ignore the utter insanity of the ignorant Right only seems to make things worse.

Sarah thankfuckingGODshe'snotmyGovernoranymore Palin babbles about government "Death Panels" killing innocent grandparents and retarded kids, and who stands up to loudly and firmly tell her how full of shit she is? Oohhhh, not much of anyone.

The "birther" movement insists Obama was born in Kenya, not Hawaii, and gets press coverage all over the place. Even after the doctor who delivered him speaks up, the birth certificate is produced. Does anyone of consequence actually stand up and decisively declare the birthers insane? Nope.

Little old ladies freaking out at town hall meetings about how they completely oppose the government running the health care system, and does Obama ask whether or not they use their Medicare benefits, and helpfully explain how THAT is government health care already? Fucking hell, no. Can't be confrontational.

Limbaugh, Beck, et al, continue spewing virulent bullshit. And I do mean bullshit. Utter and complete untruths. Beck with his fear tactic line about people being arrested for not having health insurance, and Limbaugh actually having the balls to concur with a call in commenter suggesting Ft. Hood shooter Nadil Hasan had advised President Obama during the presidential campaign. Are any big-name Democratic figures calling "bullshit" at the top of their lungs? Not that I've heard.

You know what? FUCK THAT SHIT. Seriously, we have ignorant racist mobs being whipped into a nearly homicidal frenzy by batshit insane loony-right pundits, showing up with GUNS at presidential appearances and holding ominous signs about watering the "Tree of Liberty", and the Democrats are just sitting there politely responding as though it's all inconsequential noise? What in the flying fuck would have happened if someone showed up at a Bush rally with a rifle slung over their shoulders?! He had people arrested for wearing the wrong fucking T-shirt slogan, for fuck's sake. It is WELL past fucking time when those of us on the left need to stand up and tell these assholes what's what. Here's a start:
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In the past week, I've heard more than one tirade including some comment along the lines of, "Why the fuck are we even letting Muslims into the goddamn military? Look what happened! Big fucking surprise!" One particularly heated ex-New Yorker went on to suggest—no, insist—we should lock all American Muslims up until the end of the fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq, just like we did to the "Japs" during WWII. Seriously. Until that moment, I respected this particular person as a reasonably thoughtful, broadminded person. My bad.

But really, is this even surprising? No, it isn't. As soon as I heard the Ft. Hood shooter was a Muslim (to say nothing of a brown-skinned Muslim with a weird foreign-sounding name), I was waiting to hear it from someone. And so, I have a few things I'd like to say to Mr. Hasan:

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