small fucking towns … big fucking silence
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So yeah. I live in a small town (as in, under 1000 people … and the biggest city within 300 miles is under 40K). Mostly, I like it. Someone needs help, people chip in. You don't stop by the local bar for a while, everyone asks how you're doing, what have you been up to. Your car gets stuck in the ditch, there's a good chance someone will pull you out before the tow truck gets there. The whole town is like fucking Cheers … everybody knows your name.
And that's all well and good until someone seriously misbehaves. Suddenly, the beloved small town, rather than showing the good side of humanity where everyone can get along despite their personal foibles and differences, becomes a total shithole. A fucking cowardly, two-faced, "everybody talks a big story, but nobody's got the balls to back it up" cesspool of humanity's most pathetically conformist behavioral traits.
In an especially extreme case I read about, two women hiking in a national park near Redmond Oregon, in 1977, were almost killed by an unknown assailant as they camped for the night. Terri Jentz and her friend were attacked with an axe, run over with his truck, and Terri's friend was left partially blind, and amnesiac for life. The perpetrator lived in Redmond, and many of the locals knew what he did … and yet he was never brought to justice. The small town boy had the sense to take out his psychopathic rage on two "outsiders," and rural America "takes care of their own." (Finally found info on this, and updated the paragraph.) He went on to spend his life abusing his female partners, raping women, beating other men, and generally being an incorrigibly violent, terrifying person … who's mother stuck up for him to the end.
Or take a more common example, when the local asshole rapes someone in town. First off, we can guess who's getting raped: The 'party girl' who got too drunk. The 'friendly girl' with a casual attitude towards sex. The 'new girl' (or out-of-towner) who hasn't got many people to stick up for her. The 'shy girl' who's not going to say anything. If there's a girl in town who fits more than one of those groups? Yeee-fucking-asshole-rapist-HAW!
For my part, I've seen the "rape silence" syndrome happen twice, to women I know and love dearly. Two pathetic fuckwads took advantage of two totally undeserving women … and yes, both women fell into one or more of the above categories. So what happened? In one case, the woman asked that her friends not say anything, because she didn't want to cause trouble for herself in the community. In the other case, the woman didn't say anything to anyone for over a month, because she was afraid people would be upset with her for causing trouble.
In both cases, when male friends heard about it, they made a whole fucking lot of noise about inflicting justice on the fuckwads who did it. In both cases, when it was all said and done, none of them did anything. Nobody wants to cause a scene. Nobody wants to be an asshole. Nobody wants to make any fucking waves.
So, you might ask, if I'm so hell-bent on calling these fuckers out, what have I done to any of them? Well, in the one case, my friend asked me not to do anything … remember, she didn't want to cause trouble for herself. In the other case, I've made it quite clear to everyone I know that if I see that waste-of-flesh oxygen thief anywhere, it won't be pretty … and he more or less disappeared off that little section of the face of the earth, until I left town for a week and a half.
I'm pretty sure when I get back, he'll make himself scarce again.
What the fuck is wrong with this picture, when one loudmouth bitch like me can do more to socially ostracize a low-life rapist asshole than a half dozen big, manly, gun-wielding men?! What the fuck is wrong with this picture, when people are afraid of making waves for standing up against the asshole who actually committed the rape?!
A woman makes the choice to be free with her physical affections, and nobody thinks twice about talking up a storm behind her back … never mind the fact that it's her choice as an adult, and she's not hurting anyone by doing it. A man makes the choice to force himself on a woman, and everyone's afraid to do a fucking thing to make him feel like the piece of shit he is for having done it.
The one point all of these people seem to miss, in their sudden cocoon of conformist cowardice, is that the fucking rapist should be the one blamed for causing a problem. The RAPIST should be the one everyone is mad at for being an asshole. The rapist is the one everyone should blame for disturbing the peace. A WOMAN GOT RAPED … THE RAPIST SHOULD BE THE BAD GUY.
Just please keep this in mind, if someone YOU know gets raped, and you ever find yourself having to choose between standing up for her, or putting on your happy face and pretending nothing happened: She's already been betrayed once by the fuckface who raped her … she doesn't need to be betrayed a second time by all of her friends being afraid to make a scene by standing up for her. Yes, it's great to be tolerant, and get along with people despite their little foibles … But rape isn't a fucking foible, it's a fucking felony.
This small town crap is the symptom of our societal sickness: go along to get along; don't be different; follow orders; don't make waves; keep your head down. This is why our country is beginning to suck.
19th May 2008 at 5:34 am | permalink |@Jack: "symptom of our societal sickness," I'll go along with … but I'm not sure it's anything new.
19th May 2008 at 6:26 am | permalink |Bravo.
I was born and raised in one of those small towns…if you didn't have a police scanner, you someone that did. You couldn't do anything without half the town knowing. Someone gets raped? Everyone knew. No confidentiality at all. Poor girl would stand a chance in the court of public opinion.
And god forbid if you do something different…the rumor mill goes into overtime! I moved to San Francisco and all of a sudden, I was a lesbian (nothing wrong with that…but you gotta love that generalization about this city).
That last paragraph was kind of a tangent, but you are in a small town…you probably know what I mean. :)
19th May 2008 at 6:53 am | permalink |@Dots: Oh yeah, I *totally* know what you mean with the S.F. comment. lol!
The really weird thing for me is that I *wasn't* born and raised in a town like this … I lived in/near Eugene, OR for 16 years, and if that isn't a liberal, activist, openminded hippie town, I don't know what is!
So, while it's really nice living in a small enough community to get to know people now … man, I'm about ready to burn some shit down and leave town right now.
Probably a good thing I'm not actually at home this week.
19th May 2008 at 8:01 am | permalink |I live in a small town too (in the rural nowhere of northern England, no less) and experience the same problem - everyone knows everyone else (and if you don't, you know someone who knows them) and it gives a nice friendly feel sometimes. The rest of the time it supports my theory that the smaller the town, the smaller the minds of the people who live in it. Don't even get me started on that old guy who yelled at a Polish bus driver for no goddamned reason beyond the fact that he probably hadn't met a foreigner since WW2…
As for the whole rape issue, a friend of mine once quipped "there's either a lot of rapists in this town or a lot of liars." Basically, there's a minority of attention-seeking females who probably can't even remember the details because they were drunk or similar…the old problem of crying wolf. The upshot? A significant but un-guessable number of REAL victims who have trouble getting people to believe them; rape is one of the worst crimes but at the same time one of the hardest to prove in a court of law.
19th May 2008 at 9:00 am | permalink |The problem with small towns, at least in my personal experience, is that generally everyone living there has something to lose they'd prefer not to - most of them either went there to "get away from it all", or have never known anything else and couldn't survive anywhere else, or have tried and can only survive there.
This reinforces the "don't rock the boat" mentality so prevalent throughout human cultures, and draws on the deep-rooted need to belong that is part of our psychological make up.
The only solution I have found to this other than moving to a big city, is to move to an even smaller place. Somewhere that is more of a community than a town, where everyone needs everyone else.
And even that's not foolproof. Humans. Can't live with them, can't flense them alive.
19th May 2008 at 9:01 am | permalink |@Martin: I found a very interesting quote from the woman who was almost killed in the attack I mentioned (since found more specific information about it, and edited the post) … she was asked why she thought the townspeople didn't turn in the attacker, and she said,
And I wonder if maybe it is, after reading your comment. You say there are a lot of 'seems like bullshit' rape accusations in your town … making it harder to figure out which ones are legitimate.
But in my town, the rape victims don't want to say anything in the first place, and the people they do tell, by and large, won't do anything about it.
I don't know of anyone in my town who's falsely accused someone of rape … and the only rape victims I know are my close personal friends, because nobody talks about it.
@Zayne: Yeah, the quote from the axe-attack victim definitely touches on the 'afraid of messing things up' fear of stirring up trouble thing.
And that's really what gets me. Why, for fuck's sake, is it considered a WORSE offense against community stability to exact some sort of social retribution against a violent offender, than it is to commit a violent offense in the first place?
The only explanation I can think of is to use a tacky 'wolf/sheep' analogy … that the predatory fucks are the only ones with the guts to totally fuck off the status-quo.
Fucking shame, really. It wouldn't be hard to turn the social alienation tables on them.
19th May 2008 at 3:50 pm | permalink |Hahaha, you pretty much pinned down my town. Except there was this one time where a reverend's son was sexually abusing a 12 year old girl for six years. People were so appauled by it, like it hasn't happened before. I bet anything it's wayyyy more common than anyone thinks. Or people know it is and aren't saying anything. Hell, even my Dad's stupid druggie friend tried to come onto me. And you know what….I didn't say anything. Partially because technically nothing ever happened, and that I didn't want any shit starting. If people knew about it, I would get so many sympathetic looks I'd have a mental breakdown. I'm a hyprocrite in a way, because I really do hate when women don't take it to the police, or at least tell someone. Plus, if a woman does drink quite a bit and gets raped…of course its HER fault. People will gossip and say she deserved. Like wtf? No one ever deserves it. Goddamn the way societies mind works can really push you to the edge.
19th May 2008 at 6:25 pm | permalink |@Aimee: Well, at least one of my stories has a happy "you go, girl," ending. One of the women I know got the opportunity to tell the asshole what she thought of him … and he apparently acted enough like a whipped puppy, that she's calling the whole thing more or less over.
Not like they'll be buddy buddy, or anything … but at least she won't feel like she has to leave the room when he shows up somewhere.
And yeah, she was drunk as fuck when it happened, so it would have been hard for her to do much of anything else (and the fucker wouldn't show his face to me, so I never got a shot at him. heh).
It's just amazing to me that it has to be the victim who's worried about starting shit …
19th May 2008 at 7:10 pm | permalink |I have always wondered ow much of this type of behavior is in our genes. We are a communal animal and fear being removed from the community in a very deep part of our psyche. We also come from a genus and history where physical dominance dictates standing in the social hierarchy. Do we have a sub-concious tendancy to view someone that dominates someone physically as an alpha member of the heard and thus fear that standing up to them is a formal herd position challenge?
I don't know how to prove this, however it seems to fit that as individuals we are willing to stand up for so many things, but domination violence seems to get protected by some social convention phenomenon where the victim is so often seen as deserving on some way. We show that we are human and not animal by not blindly following our nature, but considering what our actions actually mean and goin against our nature to do the right thing.
19th May 2008 at 7:25 pm | permalink |I agree totally with everything you said in this post. Should I ever find myself in this situation, I'm not going to back down from doing something about it.
19th May 2008 at 7:32 pm | permalink |@Matthew: Yes, I think that's definitely a huge consideration. I personally think also, that humans are evolutionarily adapted for living in small communities … so I'd say if anything we'd tend to behave more "naturally" in what is closer to our natural environment.
Which brings to mind one of my favorite quotes:
Which nicely coincides with your last point. :-)
@Anonymous Poster: If I can influence anyone to actually speak out when this shit happens, this whole fucking site will have been worthwhile.
19th May 2008 at 7:48 pm | permalink |This post brings back a memory of when I lived in Appleton, WI (population around 60,000 back in the mid-80s). I found out that my host-sister was raped and that the rapist broke her jaw. I went bonkers when she told me just weeks before we graduated. She said that she didn't tell me because she thought I'd get mad. Mad? Why wouldn't I be?!?!?! I don't recall if they ever caught the asshole and she wouldn't tell me his name.
I tell my lady friends that if they ever find themselves in such a situation to pretend to comply and then bite the fucker's dick off. Gross as that may be, it's fucking effective.
20th May 2008 at 6:25 am | permalink |Very unfortunate to say the least and people who commit these crimes deserve to be punished to the fullest extent allowed by the law, ostracized in the community, kicked in the balls…etc, or " bite the fuckers dick off." VERY NICE Ray, I like it!!
Now, I too live in a small town (population 70k) and there was an article in our small paper about a local man (19 yrs old) who was convicted of raping a local woman (23 yrs old) and sentenced to 15 yrs in prison. Now besides being a horrible crime committed in a small town, the facts or lack of were interesting to me. Drugs and alcohol were being used by both. The women states she passed out on the couch and when she woke the man was trying to penetrate her. There were other people in the house but they didn't see anything. She reported the crime immediately and the police began the investigation. The article states the police could find no collaborating evidence (not exactly CSI experts here) and that they caught the women in several lies during her statement of actual events (story didn't elaborate). The women admitted in court that she did lie to the police. The jury was out for 2 days and came back undecided. The judge ordered them to continue deliberating. After two more days they found him guilty.
Now please understand me, if the guy is guilty then he deserves what he got and more. Here is my problem, how is it that 12 people could be convinced beyond a reasonable doubt this man was guilty and essentially ruined the rest of his life, based on the sole testimony of a admitted liar. Kinda scary if you really think about it.
I should point out they both have questionable backgrounds.
Curious, in the state of Michigan if there is substantial evidence that rape or domestic violence has been committed they (the state) can prosecute with out consent of the victim. All that would be needed was a hospital visit. They might not even have to spend a day in court to convict this person. I know not all state are the same however.
20th May 2008 at 8:12 am | permalink |@Rick - Considering the number of rapists who walk because of the lack of evidence, there must have been enough evidence to convict him. Did the report say exactly what she lied about? She may have lied about certain details to get them to believe her but not necessarily about the rape itself. (or been confused at the time she was questioned) People of "questionable backgrounds" can still be raped.
20th May 2008 at 2:14 pm | permalink |akshelby - I'm not sure I understand the correlation. There are a number of rapist who walk due to lack of evidence, so there must have been enough evidence in this case?
No the article did not elaborate any more than that. I understand that anyone can be raped. I was referencing both parties when I mentioned questionable backgrounds.
Honestly, as far as him being guilty, I hope your right. Since I wasn't at the trial I'm relying on local press (who was there).
Just imagine how a incredibly vindictive person with a grudge (they are out there!) could turn another persons life upside down with one phone call.
Anyway, alphabitch I hope you run into that fuckwad someday!
20th May 2008 at 3:40 pm | permalink |Just to clarify (and I'm adding this to the post too, heh) … when I say "small town", I mean a town of ~700 people, 40 minutes outside a town of 35K.
THAT is a small town. 60-70K is a small city … or rather, a BIG city comparatively. ;-)
And now that my friend has apparently had her say, and feels more or less OK about it, I think the only thing he'll get from me is dead silence and a lot of really dirty looks … so long as he shuts up and behaves.
As for false accusations … yes, they do happen. And it sucks, because it's hard e-fucking-nough to convict a rapist in an actual rape case, the last thing the real victims need is dumbass vindictive bitches making things more difficult.
20th May 2008 at 7:49 pm | permalink |The very reason we externalized policing of society to a 'police' function was exactly to protect everyone equally - to avoid the old issue of justice (not everyone is strong enough, not everyone has someone to fight for them), to avoid might is right. (or rather by saying that the "chosen" might, is right, and the 'might' is bound by laws)
When the policing body doesn't do their job, after we've been conditioned to not accept vigilante behaviour (this would conflict with the externalized power), we get problems like these - where we're conflicted between our practical indoctrination in place to keep society running, and going back to something which there is no longer any foundation or support for (taking it in our own hands, which is in most nations illegal).
While people overall will look like cowards for not acting, the problem is it's not in their place to act. It's the police's job to act, that's their function.
In this specific case, it also looks like simply punishment through mob action would feel like true justice aswell - but only so because the police, or state, did not do their job. Accepting the former also ends up opening up the old problems that the functions of the police and court were meant to solve in the first place.
It's a very sticky subject, it always is. It does however only boil down to one thing (in my opinion): the failure of the police.
If the police in a small town "did not act" accordingly, but did infact act in tune with the 'community' which hid and protected the truth; then the police failed. The community is in large, irrelevant. It's not their job, and they are indoctrinated to abhorr and shun vigilante behaviour.
We hold the police, and the courts, to too low standards.
20th May 2008 at 8:55 pm | permalink |We pretty much already 'accept' that 1) judges and police officers are either incapable of abstract concepts and of lower mental capacity than most, and 2) that judges and police officers are cruel and power hungry.
I've no idea how to change that, however I'm certain a lot of issues would fade away were we to raise the bar on these professions. (sadly we seem to be doing the opposite, such as the one applying for officer that was declined due to too high of an IQ)
A tiny bit off topic maybe. :o
@Zef: Would that the problem WAS just the police. Note, in the original post, neither of the women went to the police.
One woman did go to the hospital, where she was told, by the police (honestly, if depressingly and infuriatingly) she was "not visibly injured enough" to press a successful rape case, given the circumstances of the incident. The other woman, as I said, simply didn't tell anyone it had happened for over a month … far too late to press charges. And given the circumstances (alcohol involved, no obvious physical injury, no witnesses other than the perpetrators … that's right, plural. There were two of them.), she probably would have been given the same, "Gee, sorry that happened, but it'd be awfully hard to prove it wasn't consensual," spiel the first woman got.
Does that mean the police weren't doing their job? Dragging a woman through an emotionally traumatic legal process, when the jury would most likely not convict? The police can only make an arrest (and in both cases, the women knew their attacker's name … or at least one of them in one case … so the arrest would not have been difficult.) The judge can only preside over the trial, not decide the final verdict. The woman's attorney can only present her account of the attack, not force a confession from the perpetrator.
The JURY is the group of people who make it so hard to get a rape conviction … in these cases, the jury probably wouldn't have been from the same small town, since we don't have our own police force or legal jurisdiction, so one can't blame the locals for the jury's probable reluctance to convict.
But one can blame the locals for a refusal to react within their own community. And when I say they're cowards? I mean when one of the rapists shows up at someone's birthday party, and the victim goes and hides in the house by herself to avoid him, nobody even asks him to leave.
I'm not saying everyone should have gotten together and had a boot party in either man's front yard … although in both cases, I'd be 100% confident it was warranted … but for fuck's sake, if everyone had just unanimously shunned them? That's not illegal.
Don't talk to him when you run into him at the store. Don't acknowledge him in the local bar. Ask him to leave if he shows up at a party … at the very least, ask him to leave a party if the victim was there first. Say quietly to him, "I heard her side of the story, asshole. You're damn lucky aggravated assault is a felony." Do fucking SOMETHING to show him that his behavior was unacceptable, and that everyone knows it.
Nobody around my neighborhood would even go THAT far, with the exception of me and one of my female friends.
I'm not suggesting full-on, felonious, vigilante justice (necessarily ;-). But ANY noticeable show of disapproval and ostracization (is that a word? it should be.) would be a fucking HUGE improvement over the nothing that happened.
20th May 2008 at 9:43 pm | permalink |This is such a frustrating topic. Clearly, the one who is raped has been violated in the worst way. Yet our system of justice "presumes innocence" (unless you downloaded a free mp3 file or got busted with a seed of reefer). I like the Michigan law that allows prosecution without the rapee having to face the rapist. I like that the rapee does not get brutaly cross examined by the defense. It seems to be a way to provide "justice" without harming the violated any further. And as far as others becoming involved, I'd think that anyone who hears the asshole perp bragging about the incident (which I'm sure happens) without reporting it, should be subject to accomplice charges. Perhaps this would force the issue.
When I was a kid, my mom witnessed a rape across the street - called the cops, adamantly insisted they take her information and pushed them to take action. But because the rapist was a prominent psychiatrist in the area, nothing happened and the woman did not press charges. There was rumor of a healthy sum of money that he payed her for her silence. But the bastard should have had much more coming to him. Loss of practice, loss of freedom, loss of life as he knew it.
21st May 2008 at 9:05 am | permalink |@Dr.Atomix: The Michigan system does seem like a good idea … assuming the woman actually feels safe going to the police, and they don't tell her the case is unwinnable.
And that's really, as far as the legal system is concerned, one of the biggest problems. It's almost always her word against his, and if there's not enough sign of a struggle, it's really hard to get a jury to convict. Basically, if there aren't any witnesses, and the woman isn't injured, and there's any "character questions" on her part, it's next to impossible.
21st May 2008 at 11:05 am | permalink |This is so true and even when the situation is not violent. I tried to operate a small business in a very small town. There was not enough support to keep it open. But I was the "bad guy" for having to close or face total bankruptcy! I have been ostracized at every turn, 86'd from the local market, and unable to find or keep even a local minimum wage job. It has reached the point where I may have to try and sell out to go somewhere else and start over! This will mean losing my only security which is my paid-for home. It's truly incredible.
21st May 2008 at 4:53 pm | permalink |@Deborah: Wow. That's sad. The businesses that have gone under in my area were either run into the ground due to the owner's drug & emotional problems (and I'm not just saying that based on unreliable gossip ;-) … or everyone was very sympathetic to the former business owners.
Oh, well actually there was the case where the local bar/restaurant (which had been the local social center for over 20 years) was taken over by someone who tried to turn it into an upscale French restaurant (!), made the locals feel very unwelcome, and went bankrupt in less than a year. But he didn't actually live in our town in the first place …
Good luck to you!
21st May 2008 at 5:16 pm | permalink |It seems that small towns are so subjective to change, they don't want to. It's not what they're used to and they don't want it (this happens everywhere, I live and have grown up in a small town and know very well how terribly we adapt). Over the past weekend we effectively outcast a member of our community because he over stepped some boundaries and…he's been behaving…we'll have to see how that goes.
21st May 2008 at 5:32 pm | permalink |@Jen: Well, that whole "outcast" thing is exactly what I'm talking about … only with the rapes, it seems like the woman gets it instead of the rapist … which is bass-ackwards. If it were someone's mother, it'd be different … I hope.
21st May 2008 at 5:45 pm | permalink |THIS IS NOT A "SMALL TOWN" PROBLEM (MAYBE A SMALL BALLS PROBLEM).
While living in "THE EDGE" (definitely a small town)…. a friend of mine's older sister was abducted and brutally raped as she walked to her car after leaving a popular tavern. The perp belonged to a motorcycle club chapter with a particularly nasty reputation. They (and I know this is hard to believe) would even lie for one another to provide alibi's during an increasing number of rape investigations in this "small town".
To make a long story short, some friends got together, found the rapist and ruffed him up. During that process, the idiot indicated that "no woman would ever be safe in that 'small town' again".
Ha Ha. Somehow, he managed to get his balls cut off, stuffed into his mouth and thrown into the channel. Because of the diminutive size of the town's grapevine, buy the time the body surfaced downstream, everybody in town knew what had happened to "Mr.Toughguy" … and why.
That was the last reported rape in that "small town" for at least the next seven years.
23rd May 2008 at 6:39 am | permalink |@Anonymous: I imagine it might be a different story even in my town, if both the perpetrators had been 'strangers' to the group, or clear 'bad guys' like most people classify bikers … but damn nice to hear about some rapist motherfucker getting what he deserved.
23rd May 2008 at 9:09 am | permalink |Thanks for that post, and Hi from Austria. Have been reading your stuff for a while and to me it is the literature equivalent to a hardcore punk rock show. (Compliment.)
I have to share this: I am from a big city, my girlfriend from a small town in rural Austria. Before we got together she got beaten up regularly by her psycho ex. Lotsa people knew, but Hey! Watcha gonna do? After she broke up with him and we hooked up a (long) while later, he beat her up again! I found out and openend my loud, big-city mouth and started telling her closest friends, urging everyone that we need to do SOMETHING. Reaction? Yeah, but watcha gonna do?
Called a Women's helpline. Got told to get the fuck off the phone, I am a man, what am I thinking calling there?
In the end my girlfriend got pissed off with me for stirring the shit.
Psychofuckface is still sniffing around, but no violence in the last year. But watcha gonna do?
And yeah, it is not just a small town problem, and neither is it geographically limited. But you see certain common denominators.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Love your stuff, cheers from Europe.
23rd May 2008 at 9:24 am | permalink |@coffee: Wow. On the one hand, I'm relieved to know it's really not a U.S. thing … but on the other hand, that really sucks.
And yeah, being compared to a hardcore show is great. Thanks!
23rd May 2008 at 10:05 am | permalink |i'm going to play devils advocate here.
it's truly a horrible thing to be raped. period. it's also a horrible thing to be accused of rape. especially when the accuser won't prosecute.
mike tyson was tried, convicted and sentenced to prison on a mere accusation. there was no "conclusive proof". there have been other publicized examples of this.
as harsh as it may sound, women have a responsibility to protect themselves by avoiding dangerous social situations. this is'nt done enough in our society.
bottom line, don't make an accusation you're not willing to testify to in court. live accordingly.
23rd May 2008 at 4:53 pm | permalink |@burl: You have apparently missed the entire point of the post, as well as the points of most of the comments thereafter.
Avoid dangerous social situations? Like NEVER being alone with a man you don't intend to have sex with, unless you're a teetotaling virgin with easily bruised skin, so the cops won't tell you that you don't have a strong enough case to prosecute?
Or perhaps by never accepting a ride home from a guy when you're drunk, even though you'd known him for six months, and thought you could trust him to not stop and rape you halfway to your house?
Little wake up call: It's pretty much impossible to win a rape case, if you've consensually slept with the the perpetrator before. It's as though juries think saying "yes" once gives the asshole a perpetual access pass to your cunt.
Juries also tend to think drunk women are automatically willing … and they have this idea that a woman who's consented to fuck a lot of men has granted the entire male gender a free pass to her pussy, permission not needed.
Basically, if a single, sexually active woman is raped while she's alone with a man, it's really really difficult to prove anything, unless he beats the shit out of her in the process … so either the cops won't press charges, or the woman decides she doesn't want to be publicly humiliated by the defense attorney for no good reason.
Let's take your logic (or lack thereof) and turn it on its head, shall we?
As harsh as it may sound, (to guard from the threat of false rape accusations) men have a responsibility to protect themselves by avoiding dangerous social situations (like being alone with any woman they haven't known for years). This isn't done enough in our society.
Or how 'bout this version?
As harsh as it may sound, (to guard from the threat of vengeful victims ripping off their balls) men have a responsibility to avoid dangerous social situations (by having a chaperone present until the woman they are with gives verbal, witnessed consent to have sex). This isn't done enough in our society.
…because that's basically the length a woman would have to go to, if she were going to be completely safe.
23rd May 2008 at 5:34 pm | permalink |@burl
In '83 or '84 the US Supreme Court ruled that a women's right to say no and have control over her body was a unilateral right. Even from her Husband. If your Wife says NO, if any Woman says NO, any further forced sexual action is illegal. The motherfucking moment she says No.
The laws are there to protect.
There are always those who skirt the law bend it to their needs. However the Law is there.
Now Imagine…You're broken, bruised, and bleeding, go to the hospital to get stitched up. You as the forward thinking woman that you are ask for a rape kit. You expose yourself for pictures, documentation, witnesses to that documentation. But because the Fuck used a condom and there wasn't enough pre-ejaculatory semen on your body for a good match… The cops tell you…sorry. The Tears on your body could be taken as rough consensual sex (3 stitches later), without semen there is no case.
Then drive yourself home angry and shaking. Knowing that in this small town if the cops "Tell" you there is no case…there is no case. Go home and know that the perp is a guest at your friends house. She adores this man…Her guest, your rapist… What do you do?
How can you be "Safe"? Not go to the homes of Friends? Carry a gun every time you get naked?
Lets talk basic physics shall we… A 6'8" 300 pound man can Force anything he wants…please illuminate my poor darkened world as its my fault, apparently…I make unsafe choices….
Fuck you.
@alphabitch
24th May 2008 at 1:50 am | permalink |I wont do it again babe…fuck it… next time chain saw the motherfucker…bear bait bitches…Fuck worrying about others understanding we live where we do for a reason.
@neighbor: Chainsaw? Sweet. But I think you should borrow the shotgun again and blow his balls off first. ;-)
24th May 2008 at 8:18 am | permalink |I hate victim blaming. One of my favorite posts about victim blaming and rape is Shakespear's sister here where she talks about the only similarities in various rape scenarios is the presence of a rapist:
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2007/12/this-is-really-shaping-up-to-be-back-to.html
27th May 2008 at 10:31 am | permalink |@akshelby: Fucking fantastic piece. Thanks for the link! She sums it up perfectly here: "Quite literally, the only thing a person can do to avoid being raped is never be in the same room as a rapist. Since they don't announce themselves or wear signs or glow purple, that's not a very reasonable expectation, is it?"
27th May 2008 at 3:09 pm | permalink |Interesting article- http://www.simplystating.com/2008/texas-woman-convicted-for-crying-rape/
9th June 2008 at 11:16 am | permalink |@Rick: That is interesting! I'm really glad the woman got convicted …
9th June 2008 at 5:50 pm | permalink |"Nobody wants to cause a scene. Nobody wants to be an asshole. Nobody wants to make any fucking waves."
on that point yer partially right…..i'm not worried bout the scene or surfing the waves but….i don't fancy prison time….and the law protects the worthless fucktards.I'm not big on 'beating the shit outta em' cuz i know that won't stop em
kill em all ya know?
16th June 2008 at 2:23 am | permalink |@Chaos: In my neighborhood, I really doubt any such assault would have made it to the legal system … much like the actual rapes didn't either.
This is a small enough town that a relatively small group of dedicated people could run someone out of town.
16th June 2008 at 4:01 am | permalink |meh, if you run em out they'll only go hurt someone elses grrls…..like i said…..kill em all
16th June 2008 at 5:44 am | permalink |@Chaos: There is that. I like to think that being run out of town might shake some sense into them, but I always end up being overly optimistic about things like that.
16th June 2008 at 1:38 pm | permalink |