A couple thoughts about homosexuality …
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The top three comment-triggers on this site are consistently: religion, politics … and homosexuality(?!). Religion and politics, I understand. I mean, they affect everyone in one way or another. They start wars. They take people's money. They convince people to believe the most ridiculous bullshit … but homosexuality? (Mind you, when I say "homosexuality," I'm mostly talking about gay men. Nobody seems too up-in-arms about lesbians … at least until they try to adopt children.)
How in the fuck does someone else's sex life come anywhere close to ranking with religion and politics as a hot social topic?
So anyhow, back to my amazing revelation:
In my surprise smash-hit 10 Things Every Adult Should Know, I said that a guy wanting his girlfriend to do him with a strap-on wasn't gay, because he wanted a girl doing it. Shockingly, a whole BUNCH of people disagreed, which got me thinking …
As near as I can figure, the logic goes like so:
- Gay men let other men penetrate them anally, therefore:
- Any man who likes being penetrated anally must be gay.
By that logic, I am apparently a lesbian:
- Lesbians engage in cunnilingus, therefore:
- If I enjoy receiving oral sex, I must be gay.
And to take it a bit further:
- Gay men penetrate other men anally, therefore:
- Any man who likes to penetrate someone else anally must be gay.
(You homophobic fuckwits out there better give that a good long think before you go trying to stick your dick up your girlfriend's ass …)
And now that I'm thinking about it:
- Gay men enjoy receiving blowjobs, therefore:
- Any man who likes getting blowjobs must be gay.
(… so you might want to have the little woman hold off on the cocksucking too, just to be on the safe side!)
*whew* I feel so much better now that I understand why I'm gay. Now, if only I could figure out how I came to be a black man too …
As dumb as most "gay-bashers" I have met are this logic should convince them to at least beat the shit out of them selves instead of others. Which would be both entertaining and a relief.
I might not be gay but no one should be treated different for there personal life choices. Same as abortion , religion or politics for that matter. Let fools be fools as long as they abide by that same logic and let everyone else be fools too.
25th February 2008 at 4:15 pm | permalink |@raven: "beat the shit out of them selves" We could only hope, eh? ;-)
25th February 2008 at 4:42 pm | permalink |Haha! I'm gay too then…
Even though I have a boyfriend…hmm…how does that work out? lol
Anyways, most of us must be gay, so lets are participate in hug a gay day… Yay!
25th February 2008 at 4:45 pm | permalink |I think we should focus more on the sex lives of the undead. Can zombies be gay? I for one think that the government needs to conduct a study.
25th February 2008 at 4:56 pm | permalink |@aimee: Good idea! There are a lot more of us out there than anyone thought!
@undead charles: Of course they can … assuming they enjoy blowjobs too.
25th February 2008 at 5:29 pm | permalink |@alphabitch: "We could only hope, eh? ;-)" Sadly even if they managed to follow the logic I really fear it would make some of them worse. Since I think about 90% of them all are gay and just want to fight it to show how not gay they are to everyone else while wanting to jack off to every guy they see take there shirt off on tv. *shrug*
@Undead charles: While I would more then lily watch the videos from such a study (Yea I get curious heh) I don't think it would be necessary. My logic is as follows. Men like sex a lot. Faced with no other choice, such as going to prison, men usually will make do with whats available, IE other mens anuses, rather then go without. So with that logic I would think a zombie with the stench and looks of road kill really would have no alternative then to either do each other or perhaps some of the really needy guys in jail.
25th February 2008 at 6:02 pm | permalink |I don't understand that attitude.
I worked for a very large company with a disproportionate number of gay men – and quite a few straight men really truly seemed to believe the gay men were going to, I don't know, jump out of the shadows and rape them. Or make them gay… like gay vampires or something.
Whatever happened to live and let live?
25th February 2008 at 7:40 pm | permalink |Also…Gay men enjoy using another person to achieve orgasm.
Fuck.
Everyones gay.
This should solve the overpopulation crisis rather effectively…
25th February 2008 at 8:39 pm | permalink |@Raven
I do belive you're right about zombies. They are entirely driven by instinct and if the whole neck biting thing is to be a factor, then we can be fairly sure that they don't give a rats ass (or a weazel or another zombie's) about what others think.
I bet they'd hit any crevice on the same criteria they would go after a blood filled vein….any and all.
@Alpha,
On a more serious note, I would have to say your logic steps are a little flawed in the view of a traditionalist (which I personally am not). The traditional view as to whether or not anal sex for a man is gay is in the affirmative. Their argument would be a psychological one. If a man were able to enjoy an anal dildo used by a woman, then he would enjoy the sensation regardless of who provided the motion and thus it would be possible for that man to be gay (which apparently in the traditional society, is the same as opening a closet door).
We both know this is bullshit. I'm assuming you view the feelings of the parties involved as being more important than the actual physical motions (as I do)? From casual observance it would appear that the traditional view holds no respect for the intentions of the parties involved and only looks at the physical implications.
The traditional view of 'gayness' as 'they' (that's right it deserves a 'they') call it is treated like an illness instead of a life choice or as an honest desire and it kind of pisses me off.
On a side note with the whole dildo thing, just like fucking a knee crevice, make sure to use a lot of lube.
25th February 2008 at 9:04 pm | permalink |@raven: "… 90% of them all are gay and just want to fight it to show how not gay they are …" LOL. Totally … even if they're not gay, the length to which they'll go to "prove" they're not is suspicious. ;-)
Personally, I find it really attractive when a straight man can look at another man and say he's attractive, without throwing "but I'm not gay" on the end of the sentence. heh
@jennifer: "… the gay men were going to [...] jump out of the shadows and rape them." Yeah, that's hilarious (in a pathetic way). As though all gay men are incurable nympomaniacs who aren't attracted to anything but a guy's asshole. Oddly, I suspect gay men have "standards" just like everyone else …
25th February 2008 at 9:30 pm | permalink |@alphabitch: I must be an ugly closet homophobe, then, lol. I can't stand any kind of bigotry, including homophobia but as much as I've tried, I can't seem to bring myself to see a man as attractive, even myself! I like the way women look, smell and feel: they're a hell of a lot prettier than us (that includes any and all of us), smell so much better and feel oh, so nice :-)
25th February 2008 at 11:47 pm | permalink |@swamijie: I'm pretty sure that just makes you very heterosexual. ;-)
26th February 2008 at 1:21 am | permalink |Can zombies be gay? This website is creating very.. uh.. lively discussion, alphabitch @_@
lol
26th February 2008 at 6:22 am | permalink |So, I type polygraph reports on sex offenders on parole or probation for a living. I'm not so much worried about anal sex as I am people that get off with children and masturbate on the subway. Homosexuality is pretty tame in comparison with the sexual behavior among redneck Americans. Rack of lamb, anyone?
26th February 2008 at 10:19 am | permalink |Following this logic, it also shows that since many lesbians use dildos, that means they are actually straight. Maybe that's why we're invisible to a lot of the homophobic types.
26th February 2008 at 11:57 am | permalink |@autodidact: (Don't know how I missed your comment here …)"I'm assuming you view the feelings of the parties involved as being more important than the actual physical motions (as I do)?" I think the feelings of the parties involved are the only important thing. ;-) We all have orifices. It's who we prefer to share them with that matters.
@davidgx: It's getting very lively around here, isn't it? lol
@tshtn: I did a 6 month internship in a presentence investigation office in college … and yes, I would have to agree. Why is ANYONE worrying about ANY kind of consensual sex in the first place?!
@akshelby: Now I'm confused … does that mean I'm not a lesbian after all? *sob*
26th February 2008 at 1:13 pm | permalink |Yes, I'm confused, too. I used to be pretty certain about my sexuality until I read this post. This is probably why so many conservatives are fucked up.
26th February 2008 at 5:41 pm | permalink |@jennifer: "… the gay men were going to […] jump out of the shadows and rape them." (http://www.f-ckingc-nts.com/society/a-couple-thoughts-about-homosexuality#comment-847)
I know! What the heck is with that?
Here's a question: Why are straight men so much more afraid/hateful towards their gay counterparts, than straight women are towards their lesbian counterparts? If you believe the stereotype than gay men are very sensitive and emotional, and gay women are tough and butch – wouldn't you think that straight women would be more afraid of getting jumped on, than straight men (whose gay counterparts are supposed to be more feminine than them)?
^For the record, I don't think all gay men are fairies, nor do I think all gay women are butch. I was just using a stereotype to pose my question!
It's all very silly. People are really silly.
And thanks for sharing your musings, alphabitch… they made me laugh like mad.
26th February 2008 at 8:45 pm | permalink |i was once in a conversation with a (gay) friend from southern mexico, and he had something to say about how a person's level of 'gayness' was seen in his community (by which i mean his specific community, not to generalize mexican culture).
26th February 2008 at 10:54 pm | permalink |basically, if you 'recieve' you're gay, if you 'give' you're not. and that's restricted to men. so really, only the guys who like to 'get' it are gay, but their partners aren't. it gets confusing when there's people who like both, but apparently that would be too ambiguous so those people's sexuality just isn't talked about.
maybe this sheds some light on something? not really sure what, but it's interesting.
wow, great post!! Homosexuality is the attraction, sexual and romantic of someone for someone else of the same sex as him/her. So I don't care what you do, if you're a guy and you do it with a girl, you're straight. A pre-op transwoman is another thing, but I won't go there. Still: great post.
Pietro (from Italy – miracles of the internet huh?)
27th February 2008 at 2:27 am | permalink |@akshelby: "I used to be pretty certain about my sexuality until I read this post." Well, I guess that makes two of us. rofl!
@quirkycircus: "Why are straight men so much more afraid/hateful towards their gay counterparts, than straight women are towards their lesbian counterparts?" damned good question. I've never felt the slightest hostility or fear towards lesbians … maybe some uptight homophobic straight dude will come along and answer this? HA. Fat chance.
@sparrows: "… if you 'recieve' you're gay, if you 'give' you're not." Very interesting. And entirely similar to the homophobic ignorant straight guys on the other post who have a lot to say about a guy getting it up the ass from a girl being gay, but nothing whatsoever about a guy giving to a girl up the ass being a fag … maybe some uptight homophobic straight dude will come along and answer this one too? HA!
@pietro: Wow, even people from other countries understand these things! :-D lol
27th February 2008 at 2:49 am | permalink |@sparrows: Wait a minute … does that mean that a girl who likes getting it up the ass from a guy is a GAY MAN?!
27th February 2008 at 2:52 am | permalink |IF YOU ARE MALE AND ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MALES, YOU ARE GAY.
Otherwise, you are not.
Is that too complicated for some people? Goddamn.
27th February 2008 at 8:20 am | permalink |Another smart ass, like me. I love it. I can't seem to figure out why homophobic bigots always seem to think just because you are gay or lesbian that you are going to hit on them or try to get them in bed. It's also amazing that all gay and lesbians do nothing but fuck everyone they set their eyes on. "Yep, I'm a lesbian and just based on that it is assumed that I have some sort of extra chromosome to be a crazy fucking like rabbits machine"
27th February 2008 at 9:42 am | permalink |according to the logic illustrated above, yeah, i suppose so. hah, this is fun!
27th February 2008 at 2:09 pm | permalink |but actually, i ended up writing a paper on it: it's something to do with the formation of the masculine and the femenin. it's more like, if you're a gay guy, according to their standards, you must be almost a woman. because women are 'recievers'.
that reenforces what you said about witless homophobes 'round these parts: gay man = fairy, pansy, anything but masculine in their heads.
@davidgx: Well, there you go being all sensible again. Sheesh.
@justadreamer: Waitaminnit. You want to fuck me, don't you?!
@sparrows: They have pretty flexible standards of womanhood down there, eh? ;-)
27th February 2008 at 3:25 pm | permalink |@Davidgx,
What if a straight guy were watching porn and manumitting himself, and finished with the business at hand before the video/film had ended and had indeed only seen a very small portion of the 'play'.
Later it is to be found out that the subject was indeed watching shemale porn and at the time had not known it. The subject was attracted to a male, but I would not consider that person gay (not by that definition, though he may have been jovial at the time, and due to the wonders of english language may have catalysed himself some gayness regardless of male attraction levels). Would this incident change the 'labled' orientation of this person in our culture, and should it either way?
The answer I would find a bit un-interesting personally, as there are better things to argue about, but perhaps a good topic for those more inclined.
27th February 2008 at 6:08 pm | permalink |I will tell you Alpha, the reason that so many guys are nearly rabid about homosexuals… they see themselves in the male gay community. They can't stand the idea that they are gay, but then they see someone that "has to be straight" that turns out gay, and it frightens the shit out of theirselves that there could be that tinyest chance in hell that they TOO could be gay.
I hope that made some sense. The guys that I've known that were the real militant homophobes were just that… they were scared shitless that there was a snowballs' chance in hell that they TOO could be gay… so they run off all gay males so they don't get "contaminated" or some silly shit.
There's a joke by Larry the Cable Guy that I have always gotten a kick out of…
"I can prove you're gay…"
"Bullshit! I'm not gay!"
"Do you watch porn?"
"Hell yeh"
"Just girls? Or a girl and a guy?"
"Either one really…"
"But you still watch a guy fuck the shit of a girl, right?"
"Yeh…"
"Do you like to see the guys with tiny ass dicks fucking the girls?"
"Hell no, I like to see the guys with the big… throbbing… holy shit! I AM gay!!!"
You get my point…
Have a great day dear, and I wish I lived a bit closer also… I would offer you a drink. ;)
27th February 2008 at 10:22 pm | permalink |@Stone2065: I'll be damned … Larry the Cable guy can be funny sometimes. hehehe
27th February 2008 at 11:31 pm | permalink |So… i have a story. Basically i was setup with this girl a few weeks back. We got onto the topic of sexuality and i mentioned that sometimes i find guys attractive. I then said that i love women, sex with women and the way they look, and have no real intention on ever having sex with a man. Turns out, this really turned her off, she thinks i'm bi or confused or something and is prolly the only reason i'm not dating her now. This isn't superficial on her part because i know she has stories behind this, but it really sucks. THEN after speaking to several of my female friends, i find out this is way more common than i thought. apparently lots of girls wouldn't date a bi man because of the fear of being dumped. they feel it's bad enough competing with all the women out there, that it sucks to add guys to the equation as well. sorry, all these comments just made me think about this.
28th February 2008 at 3:24 pm | permalink |Also…
@Stone2065
that's not larry the cable guy. That is Ron White. The only funny one of that stupid-ass redneck group. And he was only funny in one stand-up!
so… no, LTCG CAN NOT be funny! EVER!
28th February 2008 at 3:46 pm | permalink |Has anyone heard of the prostate. Letting a woman use her finger or a vibrator while giving you head or a hand job can work your prostate which leads to an intense orgasm. It's not gay just science. If you want a man to cum in your ass, then you might be gay.
28th February 2008 at 4:02 pm | permalink |@jesse: That's a shame, re: the set-up. If a woman is so insecure that all she can think in a relationship situation is how many people she's "competing" against, a bi guy is the least of her problems.
And thanks for the LTCG correction … I was feeling a little dirty for giggling at that one. ;-)
@jim: Yes indeed. Seems a lot of men know as much about their own anatomy as they know about homosexuality, eh?
28th February 2008 at 4:21 pm | permalink |Totally! not to mention that i am AWESOME and would treat her really really well.. unlike most of the douchebags i see… why is it that chicks are attracted to assholes?!
srsly, i am living proof that nice guys finish last!
also, i brought this up because i am a guy, who does find other guys attractive. I know when a man is hot. does this mean i wanna jump into bed with him? NO!!!
very hard to explain. i said once i am 95% straight. but honestly, i don't want ANY anal sex, giving or receiving. it's totally fine if other people wanna do that, but i find the whole idea gross.
28th February 2008 at 5:37 pm | permalink |@jesse: Well, in all seriousness, if you're basically uninterested in sleeping with other guys, you might want to just not mention it? At least not right off the bat … stupid, but perhaps more practical. hehe
As for the asshole thing, that gets filed with all the other "why do girls …" questions my male friends have asked me over the years: I don't fucking know. *shrug*
28th February 2008 at 5:56 pm | permalink |@jesse: there's plenty of ladies out there who find it Attractive when a guy can tell them what he thinks/finds attractive, whatever. there's so many people out there who are afraid to say what's on their minds, sexual or otherwise.
28th February 2008 at 6:46 pm | permalink |@sparrows: Yeah, you're totally right … really, the sort of insecure/uptight nitwit who's going to get scared off by something that minor probably isn't worth dating anyhow.
28th February 2008 at 6:51 pm | permalink |Men and women are different.
28th February 2008 at 8:54 pm | permalink |There I said it. We are different. We have different hormones, different primal evolutionary instincts and internal drives that societal bonds and evolution have tempered, but have not driven out of us to the point that we are a-sexual. Because of this we have basic instinctual reactions to homosexuality within our own sex that are different from the opposite sex.
That said, men see themselves in other men (as I am sure women do as well) and can identify instantly with them on some level (as primal as it may seem at times). "You are man, you are like me – she is woman, she is not like me". When confronted with the fact that this instinctual impulse is not as stable as men believe it be – enter gay man – a man is forced to truly face himself and what turns him on. He is forced to confront who he is in relation to his sexuality and the sexual options he has in the world. This is a courageous task that does not come easily or naturally. We have all grow up in a world says that its not okay to have options and that its not okay to choose any one of them.
Only through better and more open social interaction can we help men, and women, come to a place of comfort within their own skin and how they fit in the species they belong to.
@Ray: that was wonderful. thank you for that. It's one of those things that you know to be true, but when stated so eloquently it makes all the difference. thank you! seems you have it all figured out ;)
I would have to agree whole-heartedly on that one. Also, i just like to bitch to complete strangers on message-boards :)
@Alpha: Yes, thanks i know this to be true, my friends said much the same thing. I just felt very comfortable (perhaps too comfortable) with her, and also a bit drunk which obviously loosens my tongue. Anyway, yeah i figure i should just keep my mouth shut about my deeper opinions on my sexuality until i get to know people a bit better.
@Sparrows: thanks. it's very true. i know any girl who DOESN'T find that a turn-on is prolly not the girl for me :)
29th February 2008 at 11:55 am | permalink |Also @Alpha…
yeah sorry i try not to generalize "why do women…" guess it was somewhat rhetorical. but yeah i don't really expect you to be an omnipotent source of girlie-knowlegde! :)
29th February 2008 at 12:00 pm | permalink |@ray: Well said! :-)
@jesse: Yeah, not saying anything ever would be a bad policy, but I'm not sure it's the best "getting to know you" topic. lol … OTOH, you could think of it like a filter. If that scares 'em off, you're saving time and trouble not getting to know them better. hehe
29th February 2008 at 4:33 pm | permalink |hehe yes, Alpha good point!
problem is i'm too desperate to use filters… if you have a vagina i'm there! ;)
3rd March 2008 at 1:55 pm | permalink |@jesse: heheheh … well, looks like you're stuck then. ;-)
3rd March 2008 at 4:00 pm | permalink |So, if one is afraid of homophobes, is one homophobophobic??? Ay!
3rd March 2008 at 5:40 pm | permalink |How can i be stuck when i have nowhere to stick it? :D
3rd March 2008 at 5:44 pm | permalink |@pedro: Yeah, I think so. ;-) Good thing I'm not actually afraid of them. hehehe
@jesse: Has anyone ever told you that you overanalyze things? lol
3rd March 2008 at 7:08 pm | permalink |HAHA yes… actually all the time. I am horrible at that. one of my mottos is something one of my best friends told me once: "the more you digest something, the faster it turns to shit." one of my personal favorite quotes, and also something i need to live by more often!
4th March 2008 at 11:34 am | permalink |Sorry about the Ron White/LTCG reference… I'm not real keen on LTCG myself, but Ron White is hilarious… check out "lug nut day" if you get a chance.
I still stand by the premise of those that are more homophobic are the ones that worry that they themselves are/can be a homosexual in actuality.
When I worked as a pawnbroker back in the day… I found that if a person brought in a broken item and wasn't pissed, just suprised, then 99 times out of 100 they honestly didn't know it… whereas, the guy that blows his stack about "you broke it… it worked fine at home" is lying his ass off… the more wrong they are, and the more you can prove this, the more pissed they get.
5th March 2008 at 12:39 am | permalink |what a great follow up post. i love your blog by the way. i'm stalking your blog, not so secretly anymore.
i can honestly admit that i like anal sex. both giving it, although i don't get the chance to that often but i'm not going to get into that right now, and receiving it. it feels great. now i'm not going to go up to a complete stranger and tell them that i like it up the ass because they'd probably be frightened. but frankly who cares right? well sometimes i do. anyway. i hate how people in america can be such pathetic homophobes.
my girlfriend thinks it's weird sometimes and calls me a girl for doing it but we'll be in a bar or a store or something, and i'll say "That guy's pretty cute." and she'll get a little squirmish. which i dont understand because she's the same one who thinks its hot to have a strap-on in my ass. *sigh* the world may never know.
17th March 2008 at 1:21 am | permalink |@stone2065: The pawnbroker angle is great … doesn't surprise me a bit. :-)
@tonyvote: People are neverendingly weird about their sex lives … good on you for being open and comfortable with it. :-) Hope your girlfriend lightens up eventually!
17th March 2008 at 1:50 am | permalink |